To the Pregnancy Disparagers

I don’t know if every first-time mother hears all the disparaging comments I have as I’ve been going through my first pregnancy, but I can’t imagine I’m the first. Perhaps you know what I mean. You’re curled up, reading a book, and someone says: “You won’t have time for that once the baby is born.” You say something about sleeping really well: “Enjoy your sleep while you can.” Almost everything I do, now, I’m told to appreciate and enjoy, because once the baby is born, my life ends.

What?!

Perhaps I’m a dying breed, but all I have wanted to do since I was eight or nine was be a wife and mother. That’s really it. There are things I did and enjoyed, certainly, that weren’t directly involved, but they were all things that will eventually benefit my children. I have planned for this my entire life, and during a time I expected to be encouraged by other women, I find them pointing out all the freedoms I will be losing – freedoms which I don’t really care about, to be honest.

Thank God my mother hasn’t been this way. It was watching her work so hard that inspired me. She homeschooled us, fixed our clothes, cooked on an amazingly small budget, raised us up with life skills people just don’t have anymore, and was our encourager. I felt completely prepared to take on the challenges of caring for my own home by the time I needed to, so I know she prepared me well. I want to do the same for my children. I know it wasn’t easy. I watched her struggle with the each of us in our own areas of, let’s say, lesser qualities. She cried over her worries with us, daily exhausted herself, and still found time to bring light to the lives of hundreds of others. I never heard her complain. I want to do that, too.

So when people tell me: “Enjoy your life; it will be over soon,” frankly, I want to slap them. In what other job can you do that? “Wow – you’re going to be a nurse! Enjoy this time when you’re working hard to prepare for the job you’ve always wanted, because you’ll hate it when it finally gets here.” No one thinks the job they choose will be a piece of cake, but they choose it for what they will win.

I don’t suppose I’ll sleep as much after the baby is born, or have the same figure, or have the same privacy, or whatever else people say I apparently need to have a life. But I will have a new little person who is my complete responsibility, who relies on me for food and learning, who loves me, and who no one else has ever had influence over. It will be completely unique to any experience I or any other person has had. There will be days, I know, when I’m ready to believe all the disparaging comments and say my life is over. Then I will remember this:

Proverbs 31: 10-31:
“Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
¹¹ The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.
¹² She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
¹³ She seeks wool and flax,
And willingly works with her hands.
¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
She brings her food from afar.
¹⁵ She also rises while it is yet night,
And provides food for her household,
And a portion for her maidservants.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
From her profits she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She girds herself with strength,
And strengthens her arms.
¹⁸ She perceives that her merchandise is good,
And her lamp does not go out by night.
¹⁹ She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hand holds the spindle.
²⁰ She extends her hand to the poor,
Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.
²¹ She is not afraid of snow for her household,
For all her household is clothed with scarlet.
²² She makes tapestry for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies sashes for the merchants.
²⁵ Strength and honor are her clothing;
She shall rejoice in time to come.
²⁶ She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
²⁷ She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
²⁹ “Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
³¹ Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.”

It is the life I chose. 

Things I Wish People Had Told Me Before I Married

I will be honest with you; not many people told me things that were actually helpful before I got married. It became really easy to identify who would give me what sort of advice. The ones who had gone through several serious marital (or nearly marital) relationships would “wish me luck” with a sarcasm that said their relationships had been poisonous, so I should expect that too. The ones who had worked through a marriage that was difficult always said that the rose-coloured glasses would come off, and I was in for a rough life. People who were happy in their marriage were most genuine in wishing me a blessed future, usually saying – quite honestly – that marriage is hard, sometimes, but also a great joy. When I married, the advice had been so inconsistent, I wasn’t sure what to expect, and I found that all of the advice and none of it truly applied to us. There were some things, however, that I wished people had told me before I married; since people are marrying every day, I wanted to share these things and hopefully help others either about to be married, new to marriage, or perhaps even wrinkling. The list is, of course, determined by my personal experiences, so it won’t apply exclusively.

1.      People say that if you act in the way you want your partner to act, they will change. I think a lot of women translate this to “if I always serve my husband well in this action, he will serve me well in ____” Sorry. It doesn’t work that way. You have to actually say: “I consider this service to be an equal to this service. Even though it’s hard for me to ____, I do that out of love for you. I know ______ is hard for you, but could you sacrifice a little in honour of mine?” It isn’t selfish to ask for what you want as long as you’re willing to allow your spouse to ask for what he or she wants.

2.      We’ve all heard that we shouldn’t nag and we need to love our spouses in spite of faults, but you occasionally need to lecture each other. You don’t have parents, anymore, who can tell you your motives are off, your actions are childish, or you’re doing something wrong. The hard thing is to choose those lectures well, and I will emphasize the word sparingly. You might only need to say one sentence, depending on how well you phrase and communicate what you’re saying. Make sure you aren’t being accusatory, have the right motives, and be certain that you’re actually pointing out something that will make a permanent difference in your lives. You don’t need to lecture your spouse about not doing the dishes or remembering a promise, because those are temporary and can be fixed gently. You may need to call attention to ways that your spouse handles stress or manipulates you, with or without realizing.

3.      And here’s the one that might make people uncomfortable, but I’m going to say it anyway, because it has been vital to my own marriage and is applicable to all marriages: have sex as often as the spouse with the highest sex drive wants to have sex. Better yet, if one of you feels the inclination, it had better happen. This will be really hard for the person with the lower sex drive. There is no way around it, because you are two people with two different brains and two different bodies. Why do I emphasize this so strongly? Because infidelity is one of the top reasons for divorce. Adultery on the side of the man is a little more complicated than that (my next point), but in general, why shouldn’t you err on the safe side? Paul says people should marry so that they don’t have to “burn with passion” (1 Corinthians 7:9). If your spouse is interested in sex and you say you aren’t interested or you’re tired, they will desire a release elsewhere, even if that wouldn’t be their first inclination. Obviously, the first inclination was to share passion with you! It is a sacrifice, but it’s worth it.

4.      Men aren’t made like women. Relationships to women are permanent, lasting, and are maintained even over long distances. To men, they are temporary, and it’s not so important to keep friends as to have them. When a woman moves from Arkansas to Colorado, she’s going to keep in touch with all her friends and probably make new ones. A guy will just make new friends and often not worry too much about past ones. All this to say: most men aren’t unfaithful because they want to be. Because men and women view relationships so differently, I would imagine that many couples deal with unfaithfulness on some level or other, whether it be looking at pictures of other women, watching pornography, wanting other women (fleetingly or not), or sleeping with them. This is something that women, as wives, teach their husbands – to value the relationship and remember that it is meant to be maintained over time. And they will probably have to do it multiple times. Wives, it is crushing, and it will break your heart, but it isn’t because he doesn’t love you or want you. He just needs to learn to constantly remind himself that he chose you, and by choosing you, he chose to forsake all others. And you can help by reminding him and being understanding and loving when he slips.

There are other things, of course, that have been helpful, such as “Don’t expect your spouse to read your mind.” Oh, yes. I needed that one. Or, my personal favourite: “your spouse will do things that drive you crazy. Get over it.” Essentially, marriage is hard in that people are selfish beings. When you aim to serve your spouse in your marriage, it seems like every hardship is smoothed over as a result of service itself. If something is hard, it’s probably because one of you is holding on to something and refusing to step out of the “safe” or “comfortable” zone. Once you recognize that, you can attack a problem by seeking out whatever may be holding you back and fixing it.

And speaking of service, I should fix my husband’s lunch. 

Confession in the Church and Why It's Important

James 5:16: “Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.”

I’ve been thinking about this verse the past week because of some things going on in my life – mainly because it was brought up during a Bible study. Confessions can be a touchy subject. We would rather not unload all our issues for other Christians to hear, thus maiming our image of perfection. Frankly, I’m not sure we always care to hear about what other Christians are struggling with, either. This is a sad truth, because we are hurting ourselves and one another.

Just to be clear, I’m not talking about confession to a priest. Although there may be a time for that, the verse I referenced is talking about the church as a whole. It also wouldn’t make sense, in terms of being able to pray for one another, to talk about our sins in secret. The whole purpose of confessing to others is so we can say: “Hey, I’ve really struggled with this sin, and it’s making my Christian walk difficult,” and know that not only will our brothers and sisters in Christ pray for us, but they will be there to support and love us. Maybe we could even keep one another better accountable, specifically asking, on a regular basis: “How has your fight against ____ been going?” There are many advantages to this way of communicating sin.

First, it reminds us that we all struggle with things – that we are, in a sense, equal. I remember confessing a sin to Benny, and he was relieved to realize that I wasn’t any more perfect than he was. If we could always see sin as something that everyone deals with, we wouldn't feel so alone.

Second, it doesn’t allow us to hide and bury our sins, which makes us responsible for amending. This is important, because hiding sin is dangerous, even if we confess it to God. Sometimes, we can confess to Him without really having the incentive to change. When we confess aloud to others, it makes us accountable for change.

Lastly, admitting you have a problem is a big part of recovering. I realize that’s a well known idea, but it’s well known because it’s so true. When I confess a struggle, it becomes easier to deal with, because I’m more aware of the ways I struggle and can be more on guard in avoiding them.

What does this mean for me? I wish it meant that the Christians in my life would understand why this is so important and begin gathering for this purpose. I already confess, daily, to my husband, but sometimes I wish I could admit to others the problems I face. It is uplifting to be loved by people despite your faults, and I yearn to share in the struggles of others. Why? Scripture commands this of me, and rightly so.

Galatians 6:2: “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”

Waiting for the Wedding Night

A very good friend of mine posted this link, on Facebook, with the following comment:

http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2012/09/14/staying-celibate-before-marriage-was-best-thing-ive-ever-done/

"This article is an excellent example of how the social construct of "virginity" can turn someone into a holier-than-thou asshole. It is also my expert opinion that this guy has a small penis."

Now, I rarely get into arguments on Facebook. It's not that I never write anything offensive, because I do quite a bit, I just don't see the point of making people angry when they already know, by the way I live, that I don't see eye to eye with them. Most of my friends are from the secular atmophere, and I've come to accept them, despite their faults, and show them Christ by my love. They know I accept them - not their sin - and it is this fact which has earned me friends of all colours. This type of article and sarcastic comment I would usually pass over, ignoring the inner contradictions, but this time, the issue was too important to me to say nothing. This was what I replied:

"First, I just want to say that this guy is an idiot. The article is badly written and offensive for the sake of being offensive rather than trying to simply explain why waiting is worth it. I mean, I waited; Benny waited… and our sexual relationship is anything but awkward. The wedding night itself wasn’t even airbrushed by anxiety or nervousness about potentially bad performance – on either side – because we were so excited to give ourselves completely to one another. The fact that we could enjoy that union without even considering anything like negative “Sex with _____was so much more satisfying” or even positive: “Man, he’s way better than ____.” We didn’t have a set of sexual standards in our heads that the other person had to meet, and it was a relief to both of us that we would never be measured, sexually, based upon the experience of the other.

Also, we are both so eager to please one another that we never think: “Wow, I wish I had more experience with lots of people so that I knew a lot of technique.” Actually, just having one another has meant that we are learning the needs, impulses, and pleasures of the other. Every day, we learn how to better please one another. It’s a really awesome gift, and I’m very glad I waited. I mean, even if I had just slept with Benny before we married, there would have been no awesome wedding night, because all the anticipation of waiting and the build of tension is lost.

I’m not condemning people who don’t wait, contrary to this guy. I mean, I think it’s a wonderful idea, and I think everyone should wait, but I understand that there are a lot of things that contribute to loss of virginity, and I can’t shun people for being human. I’ve done poorly in other areas that I’m not proud of, so I definitely am not better than them.

Mostly, this is what I think: sex is awesome, and it’s worth waiting for the perfect moment."

Intolerance and Love Don't Share A Bed

It’s one of those nights where I can’t sleep, because there is too much on my mind.

As some know, my biggest pet peeve is intolerance. It’s not something I advertise too much, because there is a lot of it, and I mean A LOT of it. What sort of intolerance am I thinking about? All sorts, but mostly I mean intolerance of another person’s religion/belief system. That’s a loaded phrase, yes, but has anyone else noticed how quickly some people tear down others who don’t believe like they do?

I remember once having a debate with someone whose beliefs were opposite of my own. Instead of arguing fairly and defending himself with knowledge, he instead ridiculed me because I was a ‘savage’ American and called me intolerant. This, needless to say, pressed the wrong button. I told him that I would not try to defend what I believed if he was so unwilling to put himself on the same level as me. If I had been in any way insulting of him, I wouldn’t have cared that he accused me of intolerance; however, I had done my best to defend what I was saying by quoting his own doctrine, and I was careful to never argue about him - only what he believed. This did not go over very well.

This is all to show that I see people in two parts: As a person and the way they live (Their doctrine). I am able to separate the two and not let them interfere with my contact with that person. For example: I will not let the fact that a person I know is gay interfere with me being a friend to that person. Isn’t the purpose of a Christian’s life to show love to men? I don’t think God specified and gave certain personality traits of people we should minister to. I have read nowhere in God’s word that I am to hate Muslims, Homosexuals, Thieves, etc.… I understand that I should not follow in their beliefs, but God does not teach intolerance.

Where am I coming from? A man once asked me if I hated him because he didn’t believe what I did. I was shocked that he could even think that, but he explained to me that he had received that reaction from other ‘Christians.’ This, quite frankly, angered me. I have heard similar stories of people with bad pasts being shunned in churches because they were ‘sinners.’ I want to go to that church and say, “Hey! I’m sure that you were born perfect and have every right to stick your nose up in the air!” Oh my GOODNESS people! Are we so wrapped in our own bubbles that we can’t see the world is hungry for love and acceptance?! I can’t even bring myself to call people who are so intolerant Christian’s. They are creating a stereotype for other people to put all Christians into. This is wrong, and it makes me angry. I should not have to defend my love of other people. I don’t care if someone is from a completely different world. I will love that person with as much unconditional love as God permits. Since God is omnipotent, I’m sure I won’t run out of it any time soon. I never want people to say I am intolerant. I am accepting of all just as they are.

If every Christian applied this idea to the way they lived, there wouldn’t be this stereotype for Christians to fight. People should know that we love them. If they did, perhaps then they would listen to us.

Another raving sermon from me to you. I hope this doesn’t offend anyone. It just is a topic that is very important and real to me. I want to be real with people… I hope you do too.

"The Code of a Gentleman"

"Without a strict observance of the fundamental Code of Honor, no man, no matter how 'polished,' can be considered a gentleman. The honor of a gentleman demands the inviolability of his word, and the incorruptibility of his principles. He is the descendant of the knight, the crusader; he is the defender of the defense-less and the champion of justice . . . or he is not a Gentleman.

"A Gentleman . . .

"Does not discuss his family affairs in public or with acquaintances.

"Does not speak more than casually about his girl friend.

"Does not go to a lady's house if he is affected by alcohol. He is temperate in the use of alcohol.

"Does not lose his temper; nor exhibit anger, fear, hate, embarrassment, ardor or hilarity in public.

"Does not hail a lady from a club window.

"A gentleman never discusses the merits or demerits of a lady.

"Does not mention names exactly as he avoids the mention of what things cost.

"Does not borrow money from a friend, except in dire need. Money borrowed is a debt of honor, and must be repaid as promptly as possible. Debts incurred by a deceased parent, brother, sister or grown child are assumed by honorable men as a debt of honor.

"Does not display his wealth, money or possessions.

"Does not put his manners on and off, whether in the club or in a ballroom. He treats people with courtesy, no matter what their social position may be.

"Does not slap strangers on the back nor so much as lay a finger on a lady.

"Does not 'lick the boots of those above' nor 'kick the face of those below him on the social ladder.'

"Does not take advantage of another's helplessness or ignorance and assumes that no gentleman will take advantage of him.

"A Gentleman respects the reserves of others, but demands that others respect those which are his.

"A Gentleman can become what he wills to be. . . ."


(Published by VMI)

Growing Up

Some of my friends are aware of my great struggles, these past several months, with dreadful pain and health. I am used to pain, because it is pretty much a way of life to me. It is a rare day when I don't hurt; however, I have recently been in much worse shape than usual. I feel like Satan is really fighting me. He knows that I prefer to hide my pain, and the more I try to hide it, the more I suffer. The more I suffer, the more I have to hide. It's a vicious cycle, and it is very much due to two things which I somehow came to accept as truths in my life:

1) Pain is something I will always have to live with. It is my way of life, and there is nothing I can do about it.
2) If other people know about my pain, they will also suffer; I must do all I can to hide my pain, thus allowing others to live without sharing in my suffering.

Through lots of prayer and talk with some friends - one in particular - I have come to realize that there are two things which are true, and they cancel out those things which I had accepted as truth:

1) Pain does not have to be a way of life. If God chooses to let me witness through my pain, so be it, but I should not automatically accept that without His expressed guidance.
2) When I am suffering, I can not do it alone. People were made to nurture and help one another. We are even told to bear one another's burdens. How can we do that if we are not truthful about our burdens?

So - Here's the deal. I need help. I need you to pray for me. Satan really wants me to feel weak and alone when I know in my heart that there are many brothers and sisters out there who are willing to help me through this. Honestly, I am tired of the pain... feeling alone... especially when I know that being alone is an illusion :).

Compassion and Integrity

How is the chief end of Man to be accomplished? (I do not feel the need to be politically correct, here). What is the chief end of Man? As many in the church have probably heard at least once, the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. In layman's terms: This should be the goal of a man's life.

I was recently having a conversation with my friend, David, about the legacy that a person leaves behind. I was commenting on the disappointment I sometimes felt at being recognized for the things I could do rather than the way I lived. I mean, yes, I can sing pretty well... I'm good with special needs children... I'm a hard worker. So David posed this question: What did I want people to remember about me when I was gone? What legacy did I want to leave behind? I told him the following: I want to be known for the passionate love I have for people. I want to be known for my honesty, compassion, and integrity.

As I thought about this to myself, this week, I found myself wondering if those following things really are meant to be my legacy. Sure, it would be nice to have people think well of me, but is that what God wants? Does He really care? When applying the exact characteristics I mentioned, the answer is yes and no. Yes, God wants us to leave behind an example of goodness - An example of His Son. No, it should not simply be our legacy. If I am known, when I die, as this person who could love so deeply and live with such integrity, it should be because of Who I lived in honour of. To glorify God, we live in the glorious, mirror image of His Son.

Now, the hard part. You think living righteously is hard, trying actually enjoying yourself! Okay - so it really shouldn't be that hard. In fact, I find it quite easy to enjoy God. This might mean different things for different people. For me, to enjoy God is to live with rapturous joy in the blessings He has provided me. Sometimes, I revel in the beautiful earth He has given me. People often tease me of my obsession with clouds... I love them because, to me, they boldly declare the wonders of God. Sometimes, I bask in the company of people that God has placed around me. I may not talk much, but just to be around people I love fills me with inexpressible joy. Sometimes, I sit in His sanctuary, wherever it may be at the moment (For Jesus has provided many forms of a sanctuary), and spend time in His Word. To enjoy God, enjoy what He has given you! Do not question Him, asking why He would give you something you do not deserve. Is that not like apologizing profusely? Praise the Lord for His gifts, whether they be wonders in nature, the people around you, the food on your plate! Whatever He has given, He has given to be enjoyed by His people.

I challenge you to live with integrity and joy in Christ. What better legacy can we leave?

TM

Help!

I have been thinking about a new post - three, actually - and I am unsure of where to start. So... I figured I would put these three ideas into a post and ask the opinion of my invisible readers. Which do you think I should write on, first? Second? Last?

1) The idea that all men die of unnatural causes.

2) The importance of attending ONE church - not church-hopping.

3) How the chief end of man is to be accomplished.

TM

Disrupted Plans - An Open Heart

You know that feeling when you've been really looking forward to something, all day, and then it gets pulled out from under you? I've experienced that today, just when I really needed something to cheer me up. I cannot discuss this with anyone, because no one would really understand. I honestly feel close to tears, and I shouldn't. It's not like the thing I was looking forward to is no longer a possibility. In fact, it has only been put off, but the plans have been altered so that they will not be the family experience I wished for. I feel diminished, somehow, but there is nothing I can do. It is in these times that I find it necessary to consider others and focus on that which has made me who I am - The love of Christ.

All People Are Stupid - Chapter One

All People Are Stupid
A Guide to Helping People Think
by Sarah D. Miller

Chapter 1: How to Get A’s In Class
Success In High School, College, and Beyond

When taking classes, there is always this need for students to get an A in everything; However, there is also the misconception that there are special tricks to getting this coveted grade. This chapter is to help the reader come to the realization that an A that is hard to get is given only to the student who wants it. How have I come to this conclusion? Simply by knowing that getting an A requires work, and the work required seems far too much for some to handle. Through this chapter, I hope to make the task a little easier and clearer to those who have a difficult time. Also, to those who are no longer in school and think that there is no need for them to read this chapter, you are wrong! Much of the information in this chapter can be helpful to people who are not students, especially when it comes to learning about how the brain reacts to its surroundings.

There are 7 major steps to doing well in classes.
Attending
Listening
Knowing when to take notes
Asking Questions
Studying/Doing Homework
Follow Up
Taking Good Tests

The first step is to attend the class. This may seem like an obvious thing to say, but it is not uncommon for college students to simply skip a class for no real reason at all. I’ve watched students come in for a class, and if the teacher was not already there, they would leave. I often heard other students discuss skipping their next class just because they wanted to. This is a very bad habit to begin and very hard to break if started. If you ever feel the urge, immediately ban that idea from your mind. Skipping class means you could miss out on what could be a major class lecture and/or discussion. There may be an important assignment given, due the next class, which you will not be able to hand in, unless you ask about the class (which most students do not do). Even skipping a review class is unwise, because good teachers, although most of the time very well organized, will sometimes forget about important information you may need to know until they look over the test you are reviewing for. If this is ever the case and you miss a review class, you might fail based on the information you could not have possibly studied for. I have watched students fail classes as a direct result from this very problem. It is never a good idea to miss a class.

The second step is to listen to the teacher. This is one of the hardest parts, believe it or not. The newest generations are being raised on fast-paced sports, video games, movies, etc. As a result, anything that does not vary its method of output about every five minutes will soon become boring to its audience. This is bad for the teachers who are trying to teach wandering minds and eyes. The most interesting teacher I had was one who was constantly varying his methods. I never came close to falling asleep in his classes. One minute he would be writing on the board, then next he would have the overhead on, the next he would start a discussion, the next there was a pop quiz. However, another teacher of equal caliber I found extremely dull, because he never varied his teaching methods. I was almost always feeling lulled to sleep in his class. It was not that the class bored me. I was interested in it, but I could not easily keep my attention on the same method of teaching for almost hour and thirty minutes (which was how long my classes were, on average). Note: I said it was not easy, but neither was it impossible. When faced with a class that is too methodical and meticulous, it becomes important to keep your brain alert. There are hundreds of ways to do this, and every person is different. Everyone can do this in a different way. I knew someone who did word-searches to keep from being distracted. I knew someone else who color coded all her notes. When I was falling asleep, I retraced my notes. This kept me awake and alert. The key is to find out what can keep you alert, but also undistracted. Do not choose to do a crossword puzzle or something that would require you to think. Pick something that will be not be distracting to others and that you can do without thinking.

The third step is knowing when and how to take notes. There are only three things you should ever write down. Write down whatever your teacher writes on the board or has on the power-point notes, especially term definitions. Do NOT write down something if your teacher says it will not be important. If you do, later when you are studying, you will see the ‘unimportant’ as just as important as everything else. This will keep you from having everything else as solid as it could have been. If you want to write it down just because you think it is interesting, have a special place in your notebook or binder to put down these notes.

The second thing to write notes for is on whatever the teacher says, “This is important,” or something along those lines. If the teacher says it’s important, always write it down. Also write it down if the teacher repeats something several times. This is a teacher’s way of giving you time to write something down that is relevant to whatever you are studying. Pay close attention if you want to catch this. It is one of the more subtle ways a teacher can help you take notes.

The final things you would write down would be notes on the lecture itself. This means: a lecture that is given without the teacher writing on the board or providing power-point notes. This is the hardest way to take notes, but if you know how to take notes, it will be easier. Often a teacher will emphasize a point by pronouncing words very carefully and slightly louder than usual. Write these things down. Be sure to write down names, dates, and term definitions wherever they come up, unless you are told they are not important.

My final point is on how to actually take notes. The most important thing you can ever learn about notes is: Do not try to write down everything word for word, except for some definitions. This makes notes copious and hard to read when you are later studying for tests. You have to write so fast that your words are sloppy, and often to difficult to translate later. The key is to choose key words from the main point. If the teacher says, “It is important to remember this: In 1918, although the life expectancy was twelve years higher, the Spanish Influenza killed enough people of middle age for this to be lowered.” You can shorten this greatly by writing down only some key words: 1918 - Spanish Influenza -twelve year life expectancy drop (You could even shorten this further if you learn to use appropriate numbers, symbols, and abbreviations in place of a whole word: Span Flu ‘18 - 12 yr. exp. Drop). You don’t have to write down anything except that which will help you to remember the information given. I once had a teacher that only allowed three words per main point, but it is easier for me to remember from fragments of phrases, whereas I had a sibling who could remember a whole paragraph from just a few words. To each his own, but shorten your notes to as few phrases or words as possible. This will save you a lot of time in studying later.

The fourth step is asking questions. This can be very difficult for some, but with the new world of technology, teachers now have e-mail! This means that you can never make excuses about not knowing material or being sure about your facts! Even if you don’t have your teachers personal e-mail, if you are in college, there are often e-mails for instructors on the college website; However, if it is possible, you should always ask the teacher your questions in person. E-mail should be a last resort. I often e-mailed my instructors to set up a time when we could meet, and I could ask questions. What sort of questions should you ask? Ask about anything you aren’t clear on, especially if you are confused about a difference between two terms or ideas. Also make sure you are completely clear about what your assignments are and what will be on your test. Asking questions about your grades is also a good idea, especially if you received a grade that was lower than your expectations. This is not to say you should challenge the grade. The point is to learn from your mistakes and try to do better on your next test and/or assignment. You teacher will be pleased with your coming and requesting advice on how to do better. A student who asks questions is greatly valued by a good teacher.

The fifth step is to study and apply yourself to your homework. Study? Homework?! Yes! It is recommended that you apply at least two hours of study a week for every class credit you take. The harder the class, the more study required. During your study time, finish the homework first, and in the order it is due. If you have three assignments, a paper Tuesday, a study guide on Friday, and a page of work due the next week, the logical thing to finish first would be the paper. It doesn’t matter which assignment is harder. Do what comes first. After you are done with the assignments immediately due then you can move on to other assignments. When simply studying for a subject, to not overwork yourself. If you need to study Psychology for an hour, but after 20 minutes you feel brain-dead, take a break and work on something else. Do your best to eliminate all distractions. Distractions are not the same for everybody. Some people study better with music playing while others would be banging their heads against the wall if music was playing in the next room. It is also important to remain alert while you are studying. This means you probably shouldn’t study on your bed, especially if you’re tired. When I study, I have music playing and lots of water available. The music keeps my mind from wandering, and drinking the water keeps me from falling asleep. Find things like this to keep you awake, but try not to make snacking one of these things. Snacking while doing homework in college can cause unwanted weight gain.

The sixth step in acquiring A’s is following up on your classes. This is a step that is skipped by most students, but it is also a very rewarding step. There are two parts of it. The first is to do research on your class subject. For instance, if you are doing critical reading, a good way to follow up on this would be to research the author, the time period, and the story itself (Critical essays, similar stories, discussion of plot, symbols, theme, etc.). I did this for all of my interactive classes, and it helped a great deal. It is extra work, and it is certainly not required, but you will always do better, especially critically, if you have researched the topic of discussion. Like I said, it is extra work, but the outcome is tremendous, and your teachers will notice the extra effort.

The second way to follow up on classes is to either have a study group with either classmates and/or have someone with whom you can discuss what you are learning in class. This is extremely important. Studies have shown that people who discuss what they are learning in class are able to conserve what they learn at a much higher percentage than those who just take notes, especially if they discuss it in a teaching fashion. You have to know your information extremely well to teach it, so teaching it will require you to learn and retain the information you need to remember.

Following up on your classes and studies requires extra work than is actually required, but if the class is important to you, you should be willing to do whatever you can to make the class worth your time.

The final step to getting A’s in class is doing well in tests. This might seem like a no brainer, but even if you apply the other six steps, you can still get a bad grade or even fail your class. Yes, this might seem silly. If you’ve spent hours and hours studying, surely the grade is absolute, but that is a very foolish assumption. In preparation for a test, studying is only one part. There are six things, aside from studying, that you need to watch when preparing for your tests.

Alcoholic and drug intake
Sleep
Eating
Music/TV
Time spent just before
God

Watching your alcoholic and drug intake is very important. Note: Caffeine and prescription medications count. Anything that can make you tired, jittery, or confused, is something that you should avoid like the black plague before a test - At least an entire days abstinence. If you walk in for a test drunk or so heavily medicated you can barely keep your eyes open, hours of study go to waste.

Sleep is also very important. Getting enough sleep is critical. You should have at least two nights good sleep before a test, preferably three. Just a good night’s sleep before the day of the test is not enough. If you are tired, it is just as bad as coming in sick. Sleep keeps your brain energized. If your brain is not energized, you can not hope to do as well as you could.

Eating the necessary meals before a tests is also extremely important, especially breakfast. Just as sleep helps the brain prep, food helps the mind sharpen and wake up faster. Also, it is very distracting to yourself and others if your stomach is growling because you are starving. Hunger is a distraction, and if it can be avoided, it should be.

Music and TV are some of the less obvious but most important things to watch when prepping for a test. The most obvious, perhaps, is to make sure you’re not staying up late, watching TV (For those who don’t realize the obvious - TV includes DVD’s, TV programs, and any sort of video game). Also, TV right before a test can be very distracting. This is a bad idea. Avoid staying up late, and avoid direct contact the day of the test.

Music is least obvious because most people aren’t aware of the affects of music on how your brain and body work. Music like Hip Hop, Rock and Roll, and Rap, for example, can have a negative effect. This is because most music of these genres use what is often referred to as staggered rhythm. This means that if the music has four beats (Like 4/4), the downbeat is not played on one and three like it should be - It is played on two and four. If the music has three beats (3/4 for example), the downbeat should be played on one, but in these genres it is often played on beat two or three. The original downbeats of music were designed to be on one and three because they then follow the natural rhythms of the body. Your heartbeat and pulse beat naturally on one and three. When you listen to music that fights this natural rhythm, your body becomes stressed. You may not feel it, but it is there. Another downside is that the music is often very repetitive, and repetitive music is bad for your brain. When it is repetitive, your mind stops computing, because there is no change. The less your mind computes, the more neglected it becomes. The more neglected it becomes, the less able you will be to process thought and information. Obviously, with these downsides, you do not want to be listening to Rap right before a test. This is not to say that these genres should be forever abandoned from your library. It should only show you that a great variety is necessary.

What should you listen to? Studies have shown that students listening to Mozart for ten to twenty minutes, just before a test, resulted in an average of over 50% greater testing results, in each student who participated. Why is this? One of the trademarks of Mozart’s music is its great complexity and rhythmic drive. In fact, most Classical music has been shown to help increase IQ, aide the ability to concentrate, and to help the listener relax. I strongly recommend listening to Classical music just before a test. So, instead of pulling out musicians like Muse, Nickleback, or Snoop Dogg, pull out ones such as Mozart, Beethoven, Vivaldi, or my personal favorite, Rachmaninov. This might upset some who would never be caught dead listening to Classical music, of all things, but there is just as much variety in the world of Classical music as there is in anything else. If you look, I have no doubt in my mind that you will find a type that suits you. Quite frankly, I have yet to meet someone who does not like at least one Classical composer.

It is also important to watch the time you spend within an hour or two of your test. Do not spend this time joking with friends, on your computer, or just messing around. Spend this time preparing and focusing on the tests. You can also spend this time invigorating your mind with the other things in this list I gave. Listen to Mozart, eat a filling snack, and make sure your mind is awake and concentrated on what is coming up. This is not the time to cram but simply to focus on the task ahead.

The very last, and I believe most important thing to watch, is that you have prayed and done your devotions for the day. This might seem silly to some. There have not been studies to show that this greatly increases your grade average, but I know from experience that I feel at greater ease when taking my tests if I feel comfortable in my relationship with God. God gives His children a peace that is comforting at any time, and I welcome it when I am testing! I do not get an A on every test because of this, but I do get them because of God. It is because of Him that I have what intelligence I have, and I think it is important to thank Him for it (And maybe to even remind Him that He wants me to get an A!). I believe He even helps His children remember what they have learned, at times, and have even heard accounts of people who said they only passed tests because of God. Whether or not you choose to believe this practice, I believe it has honestly helped me, or I would not have included it.

Now you know how to take good tests! There is no magic spell or tips for last minute cramming. Getting A’s does not even require intelligence. All it requires is work, work, more work, and a lot of determination to do your absolute best, and it is always worth it.

Words of Wisdom...

A famous apologist once wrote, "If you treat something like an animal long enough it will eventually become one." I use this theory when doing child care. This may seem odd to some, but I've observed that children learn what you expect of them, and then do exactly that and often nothing more. If you don't expect a child to respect and obey you, the child will often do just what you expect.



I take care of a Down boy, and he is very special to me... I do my best to treat him like I would any other child. I expect him to behave, help me with jobs around the house, to be kind, etc. He knows this, and as a result I have gotten a lot of joy in the job. We have made some advances too! He will eat anything I put in front of him, which is something he won't do for anybody else, including his parents. He tests me sometimes, to see if he can get away with disobedience, but being firm is something that I am very serious about.


What you expect of people says something about you... It's an interesting thought.