Still Growing...

Hello, my friends!

Well, it's been an interesting first week of school. I missed my first class I've EVER missed. That was hard... but it meant that I got to see Sandburg, which was nice. I also got to see my doctor, which wasn't so nice, but that is neither here nor there.

I'm still struggling with being honest about how I'm feeling. I admitted to myself, at least, that today I wanted someone to comfort me... yet I was unwilling to take the step which would provide me comfort. I mean, for me, to even want to cry with someone there: Big deal. To not reach for someone is unnatural, though. Obviously, I'm not where I should be, but patience will out.

Continue to pray for me, my friends :). I love you all.

TM

Disrupted Plans - An Open Heart

You know that feeling when you've been really looking forward to something, all day, and then it gets pulled out from under you? I've experienced that today, just when I really needed something to cheer me up. I cannot discuss this with anyone, because no one would really understand. I honestly feel close to tears, and I shouldn't. It's not like the thing I was looking forward to is no longer a possibility. In fact, it has only been put off, but the plans have been altered so that they will not be the family experience I wished for. I feel diminished, somehow, but there is nothing I can do. It is in these times that I find it necessary to consider others and focus on that which has made me who I am - The love of Christ.

Dancing In The Rain

Today my Grandma, who died last year, was on my mind. Particularly memories of the day before she died. There was a thunderstorm outside, and my sisters and I were running around. We were changing into dry clothes when Mom told us to start packing.
I remember how hard it was not to cry, trying to be strong for my sisters and Mother. The night she died I managed to hide my tears, and then didn't cry until after the funeral. My other Grandma hugged me, and I remember thinking, "I'll never hug Grandma Halligan like this again." That was when I broke.

It has always amazed me how people so often hide their tears. It seems a very unhealthy practice, and no matter how hard I try to let myself cry my mind won't allow it. I am the kind of person that cries easily, but prefer not to show it. My disposition is naturally cheerful, so I simply let that show more predominantly. I don't exactly hide my emotions; I just don't let them effect my mood.
The last time I cried was just this morning. I had just finished singing a song for camp, and I was so moved by the Holy Spirit I had to walk to the back of the chapel and let it out. Tears flowed, and I couldn't help it. Sister Mershimer saw me standing there, trying to compose myself to no avail, and just took me in her arms. How blessed I felt!
I'm not so sure there won't be tears in Heaven, because I will be weeping for joy. How can I not weep when I am so blessed?