Modesty in
clothing is one of those subjects of which I am most passionate. Let me bluntly
explain why: I struggle with lust, and my husband does as well. This is one of
the things in which we have fought together. It has put both the
most strain and the most camaraderie in our marriage. I think it is the duty of
women like me to explain the importance of modesty as best we can, so that other men and women can
be understand on a less superficial level why it is vital to the life of Christian women.
First, allow
me to explain how a person lusts.
Lust is not
the immediate, uncontrollable, physical response to a man or women who is attractive. It is the
purposeful dwelling on how they look (their breasts, legs, figure, etc.) and
deciding to wonder what it would be like to have a sexual experience with them.
This can be as mild as imagining them naked or more extreme – such as a forced
sexual experience. It is to have mental power over them, and a lusting person almost
always believes he or she could approach the object of their lust and have exactly
what they desire.
Imagine
building a habit of lust. Every person you see who is attractive or dressed sexually stays in your
thoughts, fantasies, and you create opportunities to be around the person. You
habitually “use” such people in your mind, without their knowledge, to maintain a sexual high. You begin to look for and hope to see people who are more
easily fantasized about. You look for the short skirts, the shorts, the tight
clothes, the unbuttoned blouse or shirt. You crave seeing people to arouse you.
Once you’ve built this habit, it takes months to kill it, and you can never safely look at people again. You
have to fight the desire, avoid the circumstances you once created, and try to
recreate what you look for in people.
Having
explained this, perhaps it makes more sense why I am so adamant that men and
women do their best to be modest. When a person makes the decision to fight
against lusting, it means changing a mental habit; as any habit, being
forced to deal with what tempts you every day is exhausting, and the sexualized body is much harder to escape than cigarettes and alcohol.
This is a
personal fight for me, and it additionally is a passion for me
because I fought to be modest before I married. Why should that make a
difference? It means I won over my husband without the need to attract him
sexually. Not only that, I fought for him. I still fight for him, and it hurts
me when women only seem to care about getting superficial attention. Instead, it’s the easy way. Sometimes they say it’s because they need to do so to feel beautiful. I think they
just aren’t creative enough to be modestly beautiful.
Though some may argue that scripture never mentions specific ways of being modest, it does say not to do anything which causes your brother to sin. In short, if you dress immodestly, you are sinning. Do you want to dress modestly? Ask someone (of your own gender or someone to whom you’re related) how you can. They will be able to tell you what makes keeping a pure mind more difficult. They know the difference between beauty and seduction.
