I went shopping, recently, for some new clothes and had far too difficult a time finding clothes I was willing to wear. As I sorted through shirts, I knew that most other girls would be very unlikely to have a problem with things I was passing over without a second thought. Modesty is so important to me for so many reasons, I almost go to extremes. Here are some reasons why I believe modesty is so important:
1) I have been taught and firmly believe that my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. If you are a Christian, so is yours! How can I justify wearing something “skimpy” if I am supposed to be a representation of my most holy Lord? Taking this into consideration would also mean that while you dress modestly, you also dress as well as you can (this doesn’t necessarily mean dressing up, but it does mean looking clean and nice). I am almost never in jeans, for example, not because I believe it is wrong to wear them but because I don’t like wearing them and I also do not believe that they properly represent me as a woman to the world. Many women feel differently and that’s fine. I could write a whole other note on why I think women should wear skirts, but that’s not the issue at hand.
2) Dressing immodestly causes far too many sexual tensions and frictions between the sexes. It’s not just women tempting the men; men can also dress in ways that tempt women and make them think in unrighteous ways. Such clothes which draw attention to the body are, I believe, okay in some circumstances… like in the privacy of your home or alone with your spouse. I wear things in my room that I would never wear in public. Sometimes, women just like to wear cute little nightgowns and things, but those are not meant to be ordinary and never meant to be public.
3) I indicated, in my second point, that some clothes may be worn more freely when with a spouse. Part of the reason I dress modestly is because I want all my efforts to bless my future husband – both now and in the future. Right now, I hope to honour him by not tempting him. When we are married, I may give him my body freely and he will be able to enjoy it without feeling guilty. This is a mutual gift, and it is also not one to be underestimated. I encourage unmarried women to save every bit of themselves for their husbands that they possibly can. This effort will not go unnoticed.
So how can men and women dress modestly? I can give you ample examples for both because I am a woman! I know what it is to be tempting, and I know what it is to be tempted. Nothing I am writing is meant to make you feel guilty but to bring attention to how you look to others. I may use strong language and I’m not unlikely to offend, but it is important that I be blunt so as to properly say what needs to be said.
Men: To be honest, men have a lot less to worry about than women. This is for a couple reasons. One is that most women have lower sex drives and while they may be attracted to a man, they are less likely to be prone to having impure thoughts. There are, however, women with sex drives equal to men (I know a few), and these women need to keep their minds pure just as much as any man. Also, men tend to cover more of their bodies, in general, than women; they normally wear t-shirt and jeans/shorts. There isn’t as much opportunity for them to reveal too much. It is possible, though, to cover up a lot and still be immodest. Here are some things for men to think about:
1) Be careful about how tight your clothes are. I can’t emphasize enough that tight clothes are not the things to wear when you’re trying to be modest. This includes both pants and shirts. Close fitting/form cut clothes can be equally flattering, if that’s what you’re looking for, without having the same sexual appeal. (What guy doesn’t look good in a dress shirt? I mean, come on!)
2) Actually wear shirts, and don’t wear them open. Needless to say, the torso is considered, in both the sexes, one of the most eye-drawing parts of the body. Wearing no shirt or wearing your shirt open is not helpful when women are trying to keep a pure mind. Sometimes, I realize, it may be impractical, but do pay attention to this sort of thing.
3) Do your best to cover your midriff and keep it covered. How can you be sure to cover it? When you put on your clothes, stand in front of a mirror and lift your arms above your head. If you see your belly, you either need to wear a belt or a longer shirt. Then bend over at the waist and touch the floor (or not, depending on your hamstrings). If your skin shows when you do this, your clothes need to be adjusted.
Woman: Dressing modestly will be a little harder, in your case. Because men generally have stronger sex drives, they are also more likely to have problems keeping their thoughts pure. You may think that there’s no point in trying to be modest, because men will think what they want no matter what you wear. That is a lie. Men do not always want to think that way and I know for a fact that dressing modestly is something that men appreciate. It is very important for you to not use your power in a way that may hurt someone else. When you dress immodestly, not only do you give the impression that you want men to lust after you, you are causing others to sin and thus sinning yourself. I will have more pointers for you because you have more to cover up and more power over men than you probably realize. Here is what I suggest:
1) The best and simplest way to decide whether something is long enough or appropriate is to consider the three Bs: Boobs, butt, and belly. Stand in front of a mirror. Boobs: If you bend forward and can see your cleavage (I mean any cleavage), what you are wearing is inappropriate. When you’re just standing there, you can’t trust what you see. When you are sitting, because of how women tend to hold their arms and because people are standing above them, what may have looked OK will no longer look OK. Butt: If you can sit in a chair, crossing your legs and uncrossing them without showing anything above your knees, what you are wearing is OK (this counts for both skirts and pants). Keep in mind that anything that ends before your knees is more than likely too short. Belly: Lift up your arms and then bend over and touch the floor (or not). If you see any skin, time to change. Another way to look at this: Don’t show anything you wouldn’t want your grandpa to see.
2) Wear shirts with sleeves. I know it’s bizarre, and I’m not one of those people who think it’s sinful to wear sleeveless clothes, but for some reason, showing your arms can cause men to have impure thoughts. I’m not going to give you a measurement; just wear clothes with sleeves as much as possible. I wear sleeveless shirts when I’m working and sometimes, on rare occasions, I go sleeveless; however, it’s so easy – and even stylish – to throw on a jacket, if you want to wear a sleeveless shirt (I do this a lot). Tank tops are in no way appropriate. They will rarely (if ever) pass the three B’s test, and not only are they sleeveless they are only being held up by strings.
3) Wear loose fitting clothes. I am one of those people who enjoys wearing things cut for my figure, and that is a great substitute for tight fitting clothes. Women simply cannot wear tight clothes – especially if they have horizontal stripes and/or eye-drawing patterns over the breasts. Tight clothes draw attention to the curves and contours of your body in a way that is sexual – not in a way which is simply attractive. I’m not saying you have to wear baggy clothes, but you should be able to twist and your shirt twists with you. As for pants – I would avoid wearing them. A woman is showing off her legs when she wears jeans (intentional or not) – even if they are loose. That’s just the way it works. If you want or need to wear them, make sure they are loose, go up to your waist, and don’t have eye-drawing designs or words on the back pockets. You should avoid wearing shorts which end above the knee.
My friends, I want to assure you that you can be extremely attractive without ever dressing immodestly. It is not necessary to draw eyes in that way, and it certainly doesn’t make you any more attractive. I could give a speech about inner beauty, here, but that’s not what you want. Do you need to know you’re attractive? Dress modestly. Let the way you dress speak of how important you think others are. After all, dressing modestly is more about blessing others than making yourself happy. It isn’t always easy to do in a world that tells us we need to dress provocatively. The reason I call this living on the edge is because it is a daring woman who decides that she will save all her physical beauty for her husband. It is a victorious man who decides to dress in ways that will help women stay pure. Men and women who challenge themselves to be modest are, sadly, of a rare breed, because we have been taught that we need to dress in ways which express who we are – and to show who we are, we need to be attractive, which must mean that dressing in ways which draw eyes will prove we are attractive. This is what the world tells us! Let me tell you something: Drawing eyes does not make you attractive. Seriously. Deformities draw eyes just as quickly, and those aren’t considered “attractive.” What does attractive mean to us, anyway? Doesn’t it mean drawing people to us? You can as easily attract someone to you by being a cheerful person as you can by dressing inappropriately. What’s the big difference? In one case, it’s you they are drawn to; in the other case, it’s your body they want. You can be yourself and express who you are while dressing modestly. I’ve been doing it my whole life, and my only complaint is that I’ve slipped, once in awhile, and worn something I shouldn’t have.
Are you dressing modestly? If you want to ask me questions or have specific thoughts about how this might apply to you, feel free to ask. I would also recommend, if you decide to do this, that you have someone you can ask – a Christian of the opposite sex – if what you are wearing is modest. Hopefully that person will know what to look for and be able to be honest with you. I encourage you to take this step – to live on the edge with me. Your body is a special gift which is not meant to be misused, and your efforts will not only bless you, they will bless those around you.
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