As A Christian, Can I Panic About Ebola?

It's a situation I've been watching carefully, and it only recently seems to be something people are noticing. Studying epidemics is a sort of hobby of mine and has been for many years. I’ve been fascinated to study how different cultures – especially religions – react.

Take a very short trip in history with me, for a moment, to 1918, when the Spanish influenza was swallowing the globe. Only Australia remained untouched, as it cut off contact with everyone else, and it is estimated that anywhere from 50 million to100 million people died. The majority of those people were in the prime of their lives; the elderly and children seemed strangely untouched. Whole villages were wiped out. Cities became forced to bury people in mass graves because they were dying too fast to build caskets or dig proper graves. It was a dark time, and the line “bring out your dead” doesn’t seem so funny when you realize people were literally dropping their loved ones outside their doors, hoping against all hope that they hadn’t been exposed long enough to become ill themselves. All social events were banned, but one group of people stood out as defying this law: Christians.

Gathering together on Sunday, everyone wearing masks, many churches would set up chairs in the middle of the street and have their services. At a time when people were abandoning their own families and shutting themselves away, believers were finding strength in one another. This isn’t to say they were better than everyone else – because there were people who did amazing things without this form of faith – but they knew their hope lay in something other than remaining healthy. I have no doubt that there was fear in their hearts, wondering if they would die next, or a spouse, or a child, or a parent. It’s not as though faith makes things less scary, because they are scary, but it allows us to focus on something other than fear. We wouldn’t stand in the way of a rampaging elephant herd as a show of faith, so how should be think about this situation?

This is how I think about it: things like this - where one is so completely out of control - you feel more acutely, especially if you like order and predictability; however, there is nothing that works quite like an epidemic for bringing people face to face with eternity. It forces them to actively choose God or themselves in a way most wouldn't, because this culture is so lackadaisical and would normally enjoy the lukewarm feelings of disinterest or indifference. In a sort of strange way, I think these things are beautiful. It's amazing to see how striking the church can be in "such a time as this," where we can be unafraid and aware of the glory that awaits us if God chooses to take us up to Him. Even as one is completely aware of the danger, one can also be aware that – ultimately – our hope lies in something quite different than the next breath we take.

I'm thinking specifically of Romans 8:5-27, especially the last two paragraphs:

"For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Because the carnal mind is enmity against God; for it is not subject to the law of God, nor indeed can be. So then, those who are in the flesh cannot please God.

"But you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. Now if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he is not His. And if Christ is in you, the body is dead because of sin, but the Spirit is life because of righteousness. But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.

"Therefore, brethren, we are debtors—not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. For if you live according to the flesh you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, 'Abba, Father.' The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together.

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. For the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it in hope; because the creation itself also will be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation groans and labors with birth pangs together until now. Not only that, but we also who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our body. For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.

"Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God."

2^nd Timothy 2:7 also comes to mind: “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

We are in a fallen world, and our gut reaction will be one of fear; however, God gives us strength in Himself so that we can treat our fears differently and reach the world in its crisis, bringing others to share in our hope.

The Prostitution of Immodesty-Explaining the Battle of Lust

Modesty in clothing is one of those subjects of which I am most passionate. Let me bluntly explain why: I struggle with lust, and my husband does as well. This is one of the things in which we have fought together. It has put both the most strain and the most camaraderie in our marriage. I think it is the duty of women like me to explain the importance of modesty as best we can, so that other men and women can be understand on a less superficial level why it is vital to the life of Christian women.

First, allow me to explain how a person lusts.

Lust is not the immediate, uncontrollable, physical response to a man or women who is attractive. It is the purposeful dwelling on how they look (their breasts, legs, figure, etc.) and deciding to wonder what it would be like to have a sexual experience with them. This can be as mild as imagining them naked or more extreme – such as a forced sexual experience. It is to have mental power over them, and a lusting person almost always believes he or she could approach the object of their lust and have exactly what they desire.

Imagine building a habit of lust. Every person you see who is attractive or dressed sexually stays in your thoughts, fantasies, and you create opportunities to be around the person. You habitually “use” such people in your mind, without their knowledge, to maintain a sexual high. You begin to look for and hope to see people who are more easily fantasized about. You look for the short skirts, the shorts, the tight clothes, the unbuttoned blouse or shirt. You crave seeing people to arouse you. Once you’ve built this habit, it takes months to kill it, and you can never safely look at people again. You have to fight the desire, avoid the circumstances you once created, and try to recreate what you look for in people.

Having explained this, perhaps it makes more sense why I am so adamant that men and women do their best to be modest. When a person makes the decision to fight against lusting, it means changing a mental habit; as any habit, being forced to deal with what tempts you every day is exhausting, and the sexualized body is much harder to escape than cigarettes and alcohol. 

This is a personal fight for me, and it additionally is a passion for me because I fought to be modest before I married. Why should that make a difference? It means I won over my husband without the need to attract him sexually. Not only that, I fought for him. I still fight for him, and it hurts me when women only seem to care about getting superficial attention. Instead, it’s the easy way. Sometimes they say it’s because they need to do so to feel beautiful. I think they just aren’t creative enough to be modestly beautiful.

Though some may argue that scripture never mentions specific ways of being modest, it does say not to do anything which causes your brother to sin. In short, if you dress immodestly, you are sinning. Do you want to dress modestly? Ask someone (of your own gender or someone to whom you’re related) how you can. They will be able to tell you what makes keeping a pure mind more difficult. They know the difference between beauty and seduction.

A Day in My Shoes

Benny recently recommended that I write something describing how I go about my day – to help people understand how I cope, because I was explaining how people seem to be under strange assumptions concerning what I do to deal with my chronic illness. I’m taking his advice! Also, several have asked, and I want to help them understand as best I can. 

I usually start my mornings waking up as gradually as I can.  I am incredibly groggy and stiff, in the morning, but I try to ignore whatever is hurting.

Getting dressed is hard. I like to lay out my clothes the night before, because it’s hard for me to make decisions in the morning – especially when decisions need to be made quickly. At the same time, that might not be helpful, because my skin reacts differently to different fabrics and cuts on a day-to-day basis. I might put out a skirt and blouse for a day, get up that morning, and realize that anything cinching around my waist will cause too much pain, so I wear a dress instead. I try to gauge what I will be able to wear by the forecast, but it doesn’t always work.

Benny blesses me by making breakfast in the morning. If he didn’t make it, it probably wouldn’t happen. Since my brain seems to barely function, thinking through preparing something and actually doing it seem like two huge mountains of work. When we first were married, I really tried, but he gradually took over without any decision being made. I was very thankful and relieved.

We eat breakfast, have family devotions, and then my day begins. If it’s a work day for me, I go to work. Although I can’t be explicit about my workday, I can say that I work for five hours, five days a week, and I spread out the duties in my client’s home over the five days in such a way that it doesn’t exhaust me more than it needs to. I get home around 2:30PM, exhausted, and try to sit down for awhile, collect myself, and reboot as much as possible before mentally switching over to “housewife”.

At home, I try to keep the house generally neat and uncluttered. If there’s only a little bit to clean up every day, it’s far less stressful and physically demanding; however, sometimes I can’t even do a little, and rooms get away from me. Once a week, I dust thoroughly, vacuum, or scrub floors. Rarely do two of those overlap in a day. I keep a clean house because messiness stresses me to a point where I feel immobilized by the thought of having to gather enough strength to clean it up. Every week, I try to include a more vigorous task, such as wiping down cupboards or cleaning windows, but these rarely get finished because of everything else.

I’m sure it sounds like I have it pretty easy – light cleaning every day, with other tasks spread out – but it isn’t that simple. Every task has to be outlined beforehand. For example, if I decide to clean the living room, my list might look like this:

Clean living room

-clean up floor

-clean off coffee table

-put away books and CDs

-straighten up bookshelves

-dust

-vacuum

-wash windows and mirrors

-wipe off coffee table

It seems a little excessive, but if I don’t write it all out, it’s hard to finish, and I’m constantly worried about forgetting something. My “to do” lists are detailed, and I write them every day, including the things I do daily. A recent one:

To Do

Dust:

-living room

-bedroom

-bathroom

-study

Shower

Dishes

Supper

Sweep kitchen

E-mail Dad

Clean bedroom

For every task, I will have to convince myself to take it on. I rarely feel up to it, and I would rather sit and nurse my aches and pains, but I force myself to do everything because it’s my job. I’ll convince myself to dust and take fourty-five minutes to do it. I plan to take at least two hours to prepare supper, so usually by the time I’m done dusting, it’s time to start cooking. First, wash the dishes. It will take me awhile, because I take ten to fifteen minutes to prepare to wash dishes – by stacking them, putting hot water in the sink, and making sure there aren’t dishes hiding in other places. Washing them usually takes around half an hour. I have a stool to sit on so the standing doesn’t tire me overly much, because I need to be careful about using up energy before I even get around to making supper.

After the dishes are washed, I can start thinking about supper. I wipe down all the surfaces, then I look at the menu. I write out a monthly menu, which keeps me from stressing about varying the menu and forgetting groceries. Maybe it’s an easy day and the menu says I planned for spinach omelets. First, I get out all the ingredients I use for omelets: eggs, cheese, whatever meat I have, potatoes, corn, spinach, and perhaps other, random things. I chop up or measure everything into separate bowls, just as you would see on a cooking show, so everything is prepared, then I set out all the dishes I’ll need: plates for the omelets when they’re done, a spatula or two, the whisk, the skillet, and a bowl to whisk eggs in. All this preparation usually takes me half an hour to fourty-five minutes. Then I start cooking. Omelets are relatively easy. Cook the potatoes in the bottom of the skillet, whisk the eggs and chopped spinach together and pour over potatoes, flip omelet and add ingredients, put on plate. Half an hour to fourty-five minutes later, I’m done. This process seems overly complicated, but it’s the best way I’ve found to cook without causing undue stress.

When supper is eaten, I do internet tasks, which I try to keep short. When that’s over, I might take a shower. This is probably the most exhausting thing I’ll do during my day, because it requires constant activity and doesn’t allow for breaks. I usually take an hour to prepare, shower, get dressed and clean things up afterward. If I’m having a bad back day (meaning I can’t stand too long; chronic back pain means it always hurts – some times worse than others), I either take a bath or use my shower chair. The rest of the evening I usually spend off my feet or doing something with Benny. Once in awhile, we’ll walk or bike somewhere or nowhere. Sometimes we finish some cleaning/organizing task together or just sit around and do nothing. During school, I put a plate and note together for Benny’s lunch.

I really am very weak, and this is something I abhor about myself. I was once active and involved in other people’s lives. Now, social anxiety and the need to preserve energy keep me at home unless I need to go out or unless someone kindly plans an event. I do not, however, limit myself unnecessarily. I often can do more and am willing to do more active things when asked, but people often – while trying to be kind – refrain from suggesting things they think might be too much for me. Although I understand wanting to be careful, I know my limits better than anyone, and asking me to do something that may tire me or hurt me isn’t something to avoid. I have no problem with declining activities I know will do more harm than good, and I prefer being able to make that decision to it being made for me.

Depression as a result of loneliness is something I constantly fight; I have few friends here, at this point, and Benny has to tend to school and composing/practicing. I try to fight this mostly by having a book on CD to listen to while I’m cooking or cleaning and also by having open house hours when women are welcome to visit me. I desire and need almost constant companionship. I used to think I was a loner, but I’ve found that to be alone is something I don’t actually enjoy unless I’m having personal devotions (although I’m not truly alone then, either :)). When people come visit, I am often thrilled beyond words.

Which brings me to open enthusiasm. Many people think I’m quiet, reserved, and shy. This isn’t so much true as it is true that in public situations I find it difficult to keep from panicking. The way I fight panic (which is something I fight as a socially anxious person) is by mellowing out. People who meet me in the privacy of my home are often surprised by the openness I am comfortable with there. When I’m in my personal space, surroundings which are known, comfortable, and predictable, I am in my element. Especially if Benny is there, I feel safe. Being in public feels incredibly unsafe, no matter how illogical that feeling is, and I tend to reserve all emotions to damper the one which feels most threatening. One of the reasons I encourage people to come visit is because they get to see me at my most comfortable. I avoid anything even remotely resembling a party for this reason and also because I have a hard time concentrating when more than one person is speaking at once. When this happens, my mind is frantic to grasp onto anything, and when my brain is frantic, I can’t concentrate on anything.

One thing about dealing with my brain which is hard for a lot of people to understand is that it doesn’t process things quickly. As a result of this, everything I do has to be thought through. Most people do things mechanically, but it is rare that an action becomes so familiar I can do it without thought. When I’m walking, I move slowly when crossing the street or a lane. When I’m driving, the faster I have to react, the more stressed I am. Getting ready to go anywhere, I stop at the door and think through anything I might have forgotten (to the great frustration and training in patience for my husband). I can have a conversation with a person, but I think through my questions and thoughts more slowly than many, and I rarely speak before knowing exactly how I will say a sentence. Benny has learned to ask: “Are you avoiding the conversation or are you thinking about what to say?” when we’re talking. I may think about a conversation for days or even weeks before I feel as though I’ve full processed everything that was said. People say they hate it when they think of the perfect response a few minutes too late… I usually think of a response whole days later.

There are other things I deal with differently than other people… to mention them all would take far too long. I welcome questions whenever people have them, and few questions do I refuse to answer. To end, I’ll make a short list of things an “outsider” can take from this.

1.      You don’t need to show me kindness by not asking me to do something with you because I might be tired or in pain. I’m always tired and in pain! You can show me kindness by asking and letting me decide, not really caring how I answer.

2.      By the same token, you don’t need to do things for me to help me avoid pain and exhaustion. If I need help, I will admit it when you ask me.

3.      If you really want to know me, visit me in my own home. I love visitors, and when they are in my home, the situation feels far less threatening to me.

4.      Understand that I process things slowly. If I am moving slowly or taking a long time to respond to a question or comment, it isn’t because I’m trying to frustrate you; I move at a different pace.

5.      I need companionship like any person; I just have a limited way of receiving that companionship.

6.      I don’t like idleness, and I don’t coddle myself, but I also am careful where I expend energy. If I save energy by not doing one thing, I can spend it doing something else. This is a matter of survival. This means I will often leave aside things other people see as “correct”. One of the things I don’t expend energy on is open excitement. I’m really and honestly excited in my heart, but the energy open excitement takes isn’t worth wasting.

7.      I choose to live life outside of my chronic illness. It debilitates and frustrates me every single day, but I try to live with an attitude of thankfulness for all I can still do. You can ask me how I’m doing – I’ll be honest if I’m not having a good day – but then I’d rather drop it and talk about better things-like how glad I am you took time out of your day to say hello! 

Clothes to Live On

Recently, when we had a couple sisters come to visit, we had a time when we asked random questions for everyone to answer – as a way to have fun getting to know one another better. One of Benny’s questions was: “If you had several hundred dollars, what would you buy?” I said I would sell all my clothes and buy a new wardrobe – with clothes that actually fit, colours I like, and having fewer actual items but more diversity in types of clothing. I have a specific style I like, though I don’t often dress that way, because I can’t talk myself into buying more clothes when I already have some, even if they don’t fit well or aren’t a style I like.

As often happens, I dwelled on my answer the next day, wondering if it were possible. It occurred to me that it was absolutely possible. For several hours, I sketched out a list I entitled: “Clothes to live on.” In it, I specified exactly what types I would have and in what colour and quantity. Here are a few examples:

5 blouses (white, black, red, brown, navy)

5 skirts (denim, 2 Sunday, white, black)

3 slacks (brown, black, grey)

I was detailed, down to the amount of shoes (5!), keeping a maximum of five in anything, and less than that as much as I could. My aim was to have a basic colour theme, style, and to downsize as much as possible. I was incredibly excited about my list and showed it to Benny, practically gushing about how it would be beneficial, and telling him I planned to actually go through with it. How? By going through everything I owned and keeping only what was on my list. If I didn’t have something, I would keep something close to that with the plan to later replace it with what I actually want. Whenever I buy clothes from now on, they are not being acquired; they are replacing.

Why am I so excited about this? There are several reasons. First, many of the things I have fit me poorly. I’ve lost 50 pounds in the past two years – fourty of that fairly quickly – so much of what I have has been too big and more of a frustration than a help. Second, I don’t like buying things I feel I don’t need. If I get rid of everything I don’t need, I’ll only be buying when I truly need something. This means I’ll be buying less, I won’t feel bad about spending more on good quality, and I’ll only own things I absolutely love. Lastly, I’ve often felt badly for owning things in excess when I know they could be of use to others. When I’m selling or giving away my excess, I’m challenging myself to be less materialistic, and I’m helping other people.

When I told Benny about my plan, he agreed it was a good idea, and he decided to join me! He wrote a separate list of “Clothes to live on,” with effectively the same boundaries I had used. His reasons for wanting to do so were essentially the same as mine, and we both felt it could be a rewarding and freeing endeavour. And perhaps we'll find we can get away with even less (I secretly hope so).

All that said, we’ve already begun sorting through clothes deciding what is worth trying to sell, what to throw away, and what to keep. We also can veto if someone is about to throw something away his/her spouse especially likes to see him/her wearing. Some things are harder to give up than others, but we’re excited to follow through to the end. 

Things I Wish People Had Told Me Before I Married

I will be honest with you; not many people told me things that were actually helpful before I got married. It became really easy to identify who would give me what sort of advice. The ones who had gone through several serious marital (or nearly marital) relationships would “wish me luck” with a sarcasm that said their relationships had been poisonous, so I should expect that too. The ones who had worked through a marriage that was difficult always said that the rose-coloured glasses would come off, and I was in for a rough life. People who were happy in their marriage were most genuine in wishing me a blessed future, usually saying – quite honestly – that marriage is hard, sometimes, but also a great joy. When I married, the advice had been so inconsistent, I wasn’t sure what to expect, and I found that all of the advice and none of it truly applied to us. There were some things, however, that I wished people had told me before I married; since people are marrying every day, I wanted to share these things and hopefully help others either about to be married, new to marriage, or perhaps even wrinkling. The list is, of course, determined by my personal experiences, so it won’t apply exclusively.

1.      People say that if you act in the way you want your partner to act, they will change. I think a lot of women translate this to “if I always serve my husband well in this action, he will serve me well in ____” Sorry. It doesn’t work that way. You have to actually say: “I consider this service to be an equal to this service. Even though it’s hard for me to ____, I do that out of love for you. I know ______ is hard for you, but could you sacrifice a little in honour of mine?” It isn’t selfish to ask for what you want as long as you’re willing to allow your spouse to ask for what he or she wants.

2.      We’ve all heard that we shouldn’t nag and we need to love our spouses in spite of faults, but you occasionally need to lecture each other. You don’t have parents, anymore, who can tell you your motives are off, your actions are childish, or you’re doing something wrong. The hard thing is to choose those lectures well, and I will emphasize the word sparingly. You might only need to say one sentence, depending on how well you phrase and communicate what you’re saying. Make sure you aren’t being accusatory, have the right motives, and be certain that you’re actually pointing out something that will make a permanent difference in your lives. You don’t need to lecture your spouse about not doing the dishes or remembering a promise, because those are temporary and can be fixed gently. You may need to call attention to ways that your spouse handles stress or manipulates you, with or without realizing.

3.      And here’s the one that might make people uncomfortable, but I’m going to say it anyway, because it has been vital to my own marriage and is applicable to all marriages: have sex as often as the spouse with the highest sex drive wants to have sex. Better yet, if one of you feels the inclination, it had better happen. This will be really hard for the person with the lower sex drive. There is no way around it, because you are two people with two different brains and two different bodies. Why do I emphasize this so strongly? Because infidelity is one of the top reasons for divorce. Adultery on the side of the man is a little more complicated than that (my next point), but in general, why shouldn’t you err on the safe side? Paul says people should marry so that they don’t have to “burn with passion” (1 Corinthians 7:9). If your spouse is interested in sex and you say you aren’t interested or you’re tired, they will desire a release elsewhere, even if that wouldn’t be their first inclination. Obviously, the first inclination was to share passion with you! It is a sacrifice, but it’s worth it.

4.      Men aren’t made like women. Relationships to women are permanent, lasting, and are maintained even over long distances. To men, they are temporary, and it’s not so important to keep friends as to have them. When a woman moves from Arkansas to Colorado, she’s going to keep in touch with all her friends and probably make new ones. A guy will just make new friends and often not worry too much about past ones. All this to say: most men aren’t unfaithful because they want to be. Because men and women view relationships so differently, I would imagine that many couples deal with unfaithfulness on some level or other, whether it be looking at pictures of other women, watching pornography, wanting other women (fleetingly or not), or sleeping with them. This is something that women, as wives, teach their husbands – to value the relationship and remember that it is meant to be maintained over time. And they will probably have to do it multiple times. Wives, it is crushing, and it will break your heart, but it isn’t because he doesn’t love you or want you. He just needs to learn to constantly remind himself that he chose you, and by choosing you, he chose to forsake all others. And you can help by reminding him and being understanding and loving when he slips.

There are other things, of course, that have been helpful, such as “Don’t expect your spouse to read your mind.” Oh, yes. I needed that one. Or, my personal favourite: “your spouse will do things that drive you crazy. Get over it.” Essentially, marriage is hard in that people are selfish beings. When you aim to serve your spouse in your marriage, it seems like every hardship is smoothed over as a result of service itself. If something is hard, it’s probably because one of you is holding on to something and refusing to step out of the “safe” or “comfortable” zone. Once you recognize that, you can attack a problem by seeking out whatever may be holding you back and fixing it.

And speaking of service, I should fix my husband’s lunch. 

Confession in the Church and Why It's Important

James 5:16: “Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.”

I’ve been thinking about this verse the past week because of some things going on in my life – mainly because it was brought up during a Bible study. Confessions can be a touchy subject. We would rather not unload all our issues for other Christians to hear, thus maiming our image of perfection. Frankly, I’m not sure we always care to hear about what other Christians are struggling with, either. This is a sad truth, because we are hurting ourselves and one another.

Just to be clear, I’m not talking about confession to a priest. Although there may be a time for that, the verse I referenced is talking about the church as a whole. It also wouldn’t make sense, in terms of being able to pray for one another, to talk about our sins in secret. The whole purpose of confessing to others is so we can say: “Hey, I’ve really struggled with this sin, and it’s making my Christian walk difficult,” and know that not only will our brothers and sisters in Christ pray for us, but they will be there to support and love us. Maybe we could even keep one another better accountable, specifically asking, on a regular basis: “How has your fight against ____ been going?” There are many advantages to this way of communicating sin.

First, it reminds us that we all struggle with things – that we are, in a sense, equal. I remember confessing a sin to Benny, and he was relieved to realize that I wasn’t any more perfect than he was. If we could always see sin as something that everyone deals with, we wouldn't feel so alone.

Second, it doesn’t allow us to hide and bury our sins, which makes us responsible for amending. This is important, because hiding sin is dangerous, even if we confess it to God. Sometimes, we can confess to Him without really having the incentive to change. When we confess aloud to others, it makes us accountable for change.

Lastly, admitting you have a problem is a big part of recovering. I realize that’s a well known idea, but it’s well known because it’s so true. When I confess a struggle, it becomes easier to deal with, because I’m more aware of the ways I struggle and can be more on guard in avoiding them.

What does this mean for me? I wish it meant that the Christians in my life would understand why this is so important and begin gathering for this purpose. I already confess, daily, to my husband, but sometimes I wish I could admit to others the problems I face. It is uplifting to be loved by people despite your faults, and I yearn to share in the struggles of others. Why? Scripture commands this of me, and rightly so.

Galatians 6:2: “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”

Waiting for the Wedding Night

A very good friend of mine posted this link, on Facebook, with the following comment:

http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2012/09/14/staying-celibate-before-marriage-was-best-thing-ive-ever-done/

"This article is an excellent example of how the social construct of "virginity" can turn someone into a holier-than-thou asshole. It is also my expert opinion that this guy has a small penis."

Now, I rarely get into arguments on Facebook. It's not that I never write anything offensive, because I do quite a bit, I just don't see the point of making people angry when they already know, by the way I live, that I don't see eye to eye with them. Most of my friends are from the secular atmophere, and I've come to accept them, despite their faults, and show them Christ by my love. They know I accept them - not their sin - and it is this fact which has earned me friends of all colours. This type of article and sarcastic comment I would usually pass over, ignoring the inner contradictions, but this time, the issue was too important to me to say nothing. This was what I replied:

"First, I just want to say that this guy is an idiot. The article is badly written and offensive for the sake of being offensive rather than trying to simply explain why waiting is worth it. I mean, I waited; Benny waited… and our sexual relationship is anything but awkward. The wedding night itself wasn’t even airbrushed by anxiety or nervousness about potentially bad performance – on either side – because we were so excited to give ourselves completely to one another. The fact that we could enjoy that union without even considering anything like negative “Sex with _____was so much more satisfying” or even positive: “Man, he’s way better than ____.” We didn’t have a set of sexual standards in our heads that the other person had to meet, and it was a relief to both of us that we would never be measured, sexually, based upon the experience of the other.

Also, we are both so eager to please one another that we never think: “Wow, I wish I had more experience with lots of people so that I knew a lot of technique.” Actually, just having one another has meant that we are learning the needs, impulses, and pleasures of the other. Every day, we learn how to better please one another. It’s a really awesome gift, and I’m very glad I waited. I mean, even if I had just slept with Benny before we married, there would have been no awesome wedding night, because all the anticipation of waiting and the build of tension is lost.

I’m not condemning people who don’t wait, contrary to this guy. I mean, I think it’s a wonderful idea, and I think everyone should wait, but I understand that there are a lot of things that contribute to loss of virginity, and I can’t shun people for being human. I’ve done poorly in other areas that I’m not proud of, so I definitely am not better than them.

Mostly, this is what I think: sex is awesome, and it’s worth waiting for the perfect moment."

Attending an Antipodal Church

Now, just to clarify before I even start, this post is not meant to bash another church, theology, or even to say which one is right or wrong. I do have certain beliefs which will show, because it is inevitable that one often thinks he or she is right. I only want to share my thoughts on how it feels to attend a church that is founded on theology about as opposite of mine as you can get in the protestant group.

~~~~~

There are various things one will look for in a church. Some look for fellowship, others look for a good children’s program, some look for a specific denominational background. You can’t look for a perfect church, because if you happen to find one, you would ruin it by joining. When Benny moved to Appleton, almost a year ago, I told him I trusted him to pick a church for us to attend after we married. This, I knew, was to take a risk, because although we basically agree theologically, he paid a lot less attention to it than I did. You can imagine how nervous I was when he called me, excited about this church he had found and thought would be a perfect fit for us, and told me it was an Orthodox Presbyterian Church.

Don’t get me wrong, here. I’m not saying that I don’t like being exposed to other denominations. I’ve experience the worship and teachings of various ones, including – at least three full length services, often more – Nazarene, Baptist, Catholic, Anglican, Lutheran, Presbyterian, Bible Missionary, Congregational, Evangelical, Methodist, etc. I was raised Wesleyan-Arminian in a non-denominational church. When asked what denomination I am, I always give the same answer: I’m Wesleyan-Arminian Congregational (not Roman) Catholic Baptist Nazarene Methodist. Is this a cop-out? Nope. I simply understand that my theology and how I follow Christ can be traditionally seen in each of those denominations, if not seen in the present time.

Why this explanation? Mostly to illustrate how different the church I was raised in is from the one I now attend. I went from a Wesleyan church to a Calvinist church (glad I knew my TULIP well…). I’ve attended close to two months of services in this church, now, and have had some thoughts on what I truly value in a church.

First, and most importantly, I value a church in which the pastor is a genuine shepherd. This means that the pastor has studied his doctrine and church history well and desires to impregnate his congregation with those doctrines and traditions which he believes have been fundamental. In other words, he believes firmly in what he stands on and desires to hold his flock to the standards which he believes God has biblically founded. A pastor who additionally pulls no punches is an excellent pastor to have.

Second, I value a church in which great importance is placed on the family. This can be seen in many ways, but it is always clear when the family is important to the church. Partly it is seen within the literal families but mostly in the blood-washed family. A church where there is clear fellowship, love, and a desire to serve one another is a church where I cannot help but feel blessed.

Third, despite of (or in spite of?) any differences in doctrine which may be present, it is clear that the people there yearn to serve God with all their heart, soul, strength, and mind. I believe that anyone who truly serves God and longs to serve Him better every day will enter the Kingdom of Heaven, despite what doctrines he may hold. Although I deem your doctrine is incredibly important, I do not believe it saves you – but nor does it keep you from the throne of grace. I follow God to the best of my abilities, and I believe that my doctrines are scriptural. I know many who differ in doctrine but live with that aim as well, thus I cannot condemn them but rather wish them many blessings.

Attending this church has been a challenge, in several ways, but I have found it to be a place of peace as much as the church in which I grew up. God is preached there. I don’t feel persecuted or hindered by the differences in such a way that I am unable to worship. In fact, I find the differences strengthening my faith and encouraging me. I am fed, for each of us comes knowing we have fallen short of the glory of God and desperately need His strength for every step to come.

In Christ.

Problems During "Coffee With Jesus"

I had a hard time deciding whether to write this or not, because I know there are a lot of people who really enjoy the comic strips “Coffee With Jesus.” Ever since they started to appear in my facebook newsfeed, I quickly found that they made me feel incredibly uncomfortable – and not in the good “thank you, God, for showing me the error of my ways and giving me the chance to improve” way. Instead, they seemed like closet hypocrisy.

I can already hear the protests. “Woah, Sarah. Aren’t you taking this a bit too seriously?” I don’t think so. You might argue that these are just joking around and that if I can’t take a joke, I should butt out. Well… that’s not the problem. All people know that there are some things you don’t joke about. Some jokes are bad in certain situations or with certain people (like wearing fur to a PETA meeting), and some jokes are never funny (such as jokes about spousal unfaithfulness and other various jokes with sexual connotations). I can get a joke. In fact, I probably have a greater range of humour than most people, but I know that some things shouldn’t be put into a circumstance that makes them lighter than they actually are. I try not to joke about serious spiritual matters, and I never want to make light of God.

Problem 1: “Coffee with Jesus” as a “comic” makes light of things which should not be made light.

Another person might say: “Well, sometimes you have to get a person’s attention.” I understand that sometimes you need a left hook, but this particular strip uses the left hook of offense. They are written to be offensive. If you don’t believe me, look up the earliest strips. They even deleted some of the oldest because they were too offensive. They may be more subtle these days, but they haven’t changed all that much. I realize that sometimes we offend people with our beliefs, but I deem that to offend anyone on purpose is a sin. Check out Matthew 17:24-7. This is the conversation between Jesus and Peter when Jesus says to pay taxes “lest we offend.” And in Romans fourteen, Paul talks about not doing anything which will cause your brother to sin or offend him. To offend a person is to cause strife, pain, and resentment. None of these things bring a person closer to you. If people are always feeling attacked by you, you have lost your witness.

Problem 2: “Coffee with Jesus” as a tool to teach by means of offense actually undermines your ability to witness.

The big argument: “It’s good to learn this way, because it brings Jesus down to our level so we can understand Him better.” I am all for learning more about Jesus. That is incredibly important in the life of any Christian; however, since when has anyone benefitted from trying to be equal to God? You might not look at it that way, but think about the way that these comics take Christ out of context. I’m sure that if He were on earth, he might very well drink coffee with us, discuss whatever we wanted, but do you think He would discuss things in such cavalier ways? When He was on earth the first time, He took witnessing quite seriously, and I don’t recall Him ever joking with someone: “Well, you just doubled your time in purgatory.” These strips portray Jesus stripped of the reverence and grace which He portrayed over two thousand years ago. Sure, He was sometimes angry and offensive, but He was a Man of grace and the comics do not portray Him in that light.

Problem 3: “Coffee with Jesus” puts Jesus level in status with me and portrays Him as a man without grace.

Those are my basic problems with the new “I’m a cool Christian” craze. Things pop up all the time that bother me, but this one actually gave me pause and made me concerned about the type of God we are portraying. I don’t think it’s wise to flaunt Jesus in any context, even if the intentions are well founded. I think these could be dangerous and undermining.

That’s all.

"Prayer" C.S. Lewis

Master, they say that when I seem
To be in speech with you,
Since you make no replies, it's all a dream
—One talker aping two.

They are half right, but not as they
Imagine; rather, I
Seek in myself the things I meant to say,
And lo! The wells are dry.

Then, seeing me empty, you forsake
The Listener's role, and through
My dead lips breathe and into utterance wake
The thoughts I never knew.

And thus you neither need reply
Nor can; thus, while we seem
Two talking, thou are One forever, and I
No dreamer, but thy dream.

The Chosen Jewels of God

As I have been reading through the Minor Prophets in my devotions, I found two verses which were particularly striking:

“The Lord their God will save them in that day, as the flock of His people. For they shall be like jewels of a crown, lifted like a banner over His land.” Zechariah 9:16

“'They shall be Mine,’ says the Lord of hosts, ‘On the day that I make them my jewels. And I will spare them as a man spares his own son who serves him.” Malachi 3:17.


Jewels themselves are only mentioned in the Bible nine times – and all in the Old Testament (NKJV). Each time, either the jewels are a sign of royalty/honour or they are adorning a virtuous wife. Mull over that, for awhile. What does that say about God claiming us as His jewels?

As I marked these two verses, I wrote a small note next to both of them about God claiming His people as His treasure. This made me curious about how the word “treasure” is used in the Bible. I was amazed at what I found. In the Old Testament, six times the word is used to refer to God claiming His people as a treasure. All the other times refer to the riches of pharaohs and kings. In the New Testament, every time treasure is mentioned (sixteen times), it is mentioned in reference to the reward that Christians gain in Heaven. All of the sudden, we are claiming the treasure – we who have no inborn righteousness or right of authority. Is this, perhaps, in conjunction with Paul’s letter to the Romans when he refers to us as coheirs with Christ?

So, that means we’re royalty, right? Prompted by the Zechariah verse, I also looked up the word “crown.” In Psalms, it is a symbol of blessing and goodness. In Proverbs, the crown is a sign of honour between two people: husband and wife, a man and Wisdom, a father and his children. The prophets give it a new role – a sign of God’s people. In the New Testament, the crown is mentioned both as a physical and metaphorical object. Metaphorically, to the people, it is a crown of rejoicing, righteousness, glory, and Life (thrice!). As a physical crown, it is mentioned three times – each in reference to Christ’s crown of thorns.

At this point, my heart grew heavy. I cannot explain exactly why, but when the crown of God is His people, and then becomes a crown which only causes pain, what does that say to us? Perhaps nothing… I will have to study, more. The crown of God is either His people or a band of thorns. To imagine the similarities between these to crowns… the pain they brought to their Creator… the promise of something better. Bittersweet.

These are my thoughts. I would love to hear what other people think!


Tidbit A: the crown in conjunction with the colour purple is in the Bible four times – the three mentions of the crown of thorns and when Haman paraded Mordecai. Hm... :).

Tidbit B: Pearls are only mentioned in the New Testament - and always with negative connotations except for the end of Revelations, when describing the gates of Heaven.

Feminism: Crippling Women of Muslim and Christian Tradition

In societies that long for equality between all people, feminism has become something that is almost a required belief. If you are “modern,” you must believe that women should be equal to men in all matters. Not only is this true in America and Europe, it has become something important to other countries and peoples. It has also had a profound effect on the people of Muslim and Christian traditions. These two traditions have been around much longer than feminism, and both faiths seem to completely contradict the conventional beliefs of feminism. For example: feminism asks for equality when both Islam and Christianity support a hierarchy – the man is the head while the woman is under him. Is there a middle ground? Not really. While both faiths might, in some way, benefit from feminism, this modern cause has ultimately damaged the lives of Christian and Muslim women. There are three different levels which have been weakened by the Feminist Movement: First, it has undermined the relationship between husband and wife, because the wife cannot be completely respected by her husband; second, it has destabilized the family as a whole, because a woman cannot properly raise her family if she is worried about education and high social standing; lastly, neither religion traditionally accepts feminism – which would mean that the women are condemned to whichever hell their faith teaches.

It is first important to note that feminism has damaged the relationship between the husband and wife of both Christian and Muslim tradition. In both Christianity and Islam, the woman is taught that she is to be submissive to the husband.

Christian women are traditionally under their husbands. They read about this submissiveness in both the Old and New Testaments. “…Your (Eve’s) desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you” (Gen. 3. 16). In Ephesians, it is clear that this is still true: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord” (5. 22). The argument of feminism is that if women are submissive, they must not have equal rights with men; the Bible teaches that man is above the woman just as God is above man: “Therefore submit to God” (James. 4. 7). What feminists seem to not realize is that Christian women believe it is a privilege and blessing – freeing, even – to be in submission to their husbands. It was a woman, after all, who was given the privilege of carrying God’s Son. Christian women in the Bible are also seen as important and influential people. They are staples of society and highly respected, but they are still of a lesser standing than men. Some argue that equality is really what Christian women should seek. Mollenkott argues that a man being paralleled with Christ while women are paralleled with the church is a prime example of equality: “The whole metaphor is presented to us in the context of mutual submission” (104). She further argues that Jesus’ submission to God is an example to a couple, because He and God were one (105). What Mollenkott seems to skim over is the fact that the relationship between Christ and the church is not the same as the relationship between the Father and the Son (which, as it happens, is never compared to a spousal relationship). Also, mutual submission does not lend itself to equal submission. Christ is not equal to the church. In fact, the same chapter which she uses to defend this idea also rebuts it: “For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church” (Eph. 5. 23). Another problem is that the passage she uses to support her claim is quoted out of context. She uses the verse from Ephesians: “…submitting to one another in the fear of the Lord” (5. 21). She quotes it as though it is actually part of the passage about husbands and wives, but the passage she quotes from is talking about all brothers and sisters in Christ; not husbands and wives. The wife is never looked down upon because her role is different than that of the man; rather, she gains even greater respect for her stance: “…wives submit to husbands, which seems horrible and degrading, until you realize that Jesus submits to His Father. Wives are given an opportunity to be like Christ. Suddenly, it’s not so degrading” (Miller).

The wife’s submission is taken to more of an extreme in Islam: “She (the Muslim wife) should obey the commands of her husband even if it seems to be impossible” (Ibraheem 16). Muslim women should submit to their husbands without question because they are taught that this will bless them in the afterlife: “A woman who… tried to be chaste and obeyed to her husband, she would be given permission to enter Jannah through any of its doors she would like” (Ibraheem 2). Women who are submissive as they are taught are held in high esteem. Muslim men believe that they cannot completely protect their wives if the women are not submissive as they ought to be: “The first and most important quality in a good woman is to be obedient to her husband. She must in no way expose herself to the eyes of unrelated men and ruin her character under their lustful and poisoness gaze” (Mir-Hosseini 64).What if a Muslim woman is in an abusive relationship? Although punishment is common among the Muslim people, a husband being kind to his wife is strongly encouraged: “‘Pamper women with their favourite things’” (Ibraheem 15). It is also known to Muslims that just as men are above women, Allah is above men – the same belief as Christians. Equality is seen as completely insupportable, though the man having respect for the woman and treating her with kindness is important, especially if they are in a difficult marriage (Husni 118).

When looking at both, it is clear that neither Muslim nor Christian women can be feminists in regard to being equal to their husbands. One striking difference between the two religions is that the Christian wife follows God first and then her husband. Muslim women are responsible to their husbands and thus have been following Allah – as though they are one and the same.

Feminism is also undermining and damaging Christian and Muslim families – meaning that the woman specifically cannot perform her duties in a satisfactory way. This is due, undoubtedly, to the fact that the spouses aren’t getting along. If they are not getting along, it is much more difficult to raise a family together. One strong idea of feminism is that the woman should be free to take care of her own career and interests before worrying about taking care of a family – if she should choose to raise a family at all. Education and social standing are the ultimate marks of a “respectable woman.” Islam and Christianity take a similar stance upon this idea but for different reasons. It is also important to note that a woman receiving an education is permissible – even encouraged – for Christian women. Muslim women are traditionally taught to only be educated for the vocation of motherhood.

In Muslim culture, strife in the family causes many problems. The woman moves in with her husband – who still lives with his parents – so they are living in the household of her in-laws. While the husband may, perhaps, be more inclined towards modernist ideas, it is less likely that his parents will be. The woman is admonished to be respectful of her in-laws wishes second to her husband’s, so that leaves little room for freedom: “If a woman obeys her father and mother-in-law from the very beginning of her marital life, they will never think about separation with their daughter-in-law” (Ibraheem 45). If she should continue to fight for such freedoms, she would weaken her ties to both her blood family and her family by marriage. If she becomes exiled and/or disowned and is thus unable to care for her family, she has done them no good. It is also believed that the Muslim woman should not be taught any more than she should know in regards to raising a family and teaching her own daughter/s. She is taught extensively, from a very young age, what her duties will be in raising her family, taking care of her husband, and any other duties. She is not expected to know anything that will not help her do such things unless she is from a wealthy family (Walther 76-77). There are those who believe that Islam society cannot be fully functional if women don’t have some sort of role: “For the institution of social justice in the family and at the national level, all forms of discrimination on the basis of sex… should be eliminated” (Roded 231). Others say that social justice can still be held with adequate communication, even if there isn’t social equality: “The advancement of the nation does not depend on man being forced to grant women social freedom” (Husni 30).

Christian women are also unable to be both feminists and mothers. The Bible teaches that the woman’s main job is to raise a family and support her household: “She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness” (Prov. 31. 27). Taking care of the household may include getting a job, but her first priority is her family. It is also important to note that education is not considered forbidden to Christian women, but it is also not deemed a priority to be placed above having a family. What about the passage in 1st Corinthians that says women should be silent unless given permission by their husbands to speak out and ask questions?: “Let your women keep silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak; but they are to be submissive, as the law also says” (1 Cor. 14. 34). This is often misread because of the English tendency to only have one word as a translation for several nuances that may be read in Greek. The word that we read as “silent” is the word translated from “hesuchia” which actually means to sit in restful quietness: “as in meditation or study” (Bristow 71). Even more importantly, this word is not only applied to women. It is an encouraged “silence” for all Christians: “…lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and reverence” (1 Tim. 2. 2). When a woman does not put her family before everything but her relationship with God, the family suffers and becomes a dishonor to the faith: “…admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed” (Tit. 2. 4-5). The children do not have an example to follow if the mother is not home, and since the father is often gone as well, the children are left to their own devices. In Proverbs (31. 10-31), the duties of a wife are expounded upon, and it is clear that the wife must be able to handle many duties; however, she has much respect and honor simply by being a homemaker. Social standing and a high education are not a necessity, though it is lawful for a woman to seek learning in ways that will make her relationship with God productive: “Let a woman learn in silence with all submission” (1 Tim. 2. 11). A few verses later, we find that it is the raising of her children that is most important: “…she will be saved in childbearing if they continue in faith, love, and holiness, with self-control” (1 Tim. 2. 15). If so much importance is placed upon raising godly children, it is clear that that should be a priority over her seeking social standing via education.

What about the woman standing alone? Do either of these religions support a single woman being a feminist?

In Muslim culture, the only true job of a woman is that of being a wife and mother. The above points about her getting along with her husband and raising her family well are what place the woman in society. She is not a “good” Muslim if she has not risen up to her duty. There are also heavy punishments for those women who are married and do not act as they should: “The Messenger of Allah is reported to have said that in Hell, he saw more women in comparison of men… they use (sic) to be ungrateful to their husbands” (Ibraheem 17). When it becomes clear that women are to live life by their husbands, it is incomprehensible to imagine a Muslim woman making a difference within herself.

Christians also believe it is the duty of the woman to be a wife and mother: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Gen. 2. 24). It would seem that even the man should hope to be the head of a godly family. It is not, however, an impossibility that a woman should choose to follow another calling if that would somehow benefit her faith. Having a family is a righteous calling, but if she can follow Christ better without a husband and/or family, she is encouraged to do so: “…It is good for a man to not touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband… it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (1 Cor. 7. 1-2, 9). This brings to mind one argument: If the woman can be single, then feminism isn’t such a bad idea! The problem is that being a feminist means that the woman is more worried about equal rights, and that is still not Biblical. Even the single woman is under the head of God and called to respect men. It is also unbiblical that women should have positions where they are placed above men: “And I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man…” (1 Tim. 2. 12).

Clearly neither religion would accept feminism even if the woman is single. These positions are taken under slightly different grounds. The Muslim woman is basically taught that she needs a man to survive and live righteously. The Christian woman may live righteously while single, and although importance should be first placed in having a family, she is not required to have one.

After compiling this evidence, do we find that feminism hurts or strengthens Muslim and Christian women? By studying the traditions and religious texts of Islam, it becomes clear that the Muslim woman must be subjective to a man under all circumstances. When she is not, she sacrifices the morality of her husband, the strength of her family bonds, and she endangers her own soul. By studying the Bible, we find that Christian women are also taught to be submissive – though first to God and then her husband (if she has one). When she is not, she weakens her marriage, her family ties, and she is not considered to be living a holy life. Women in both religions have tried to break free of what they consider an oppressive hierarchy. They believe that to live in submission somehow means that they will feel less fulfilled. One Muslim woman claims that she cannot truly live under her religion if she submits: “‘I will no longer submit.’ It is impossible to free oneself—to adapt one’s faith, to examine it critically, and to think about the degree to which that faith is itself at the root of oppression” (Hirsi Ali 350). Fernea, however, talks about her interview with a Muslim woman who found it a blessing and comfort to live under the laws set down by her husband (265-270). You find similar stories by Christian women – both those that fight their traditions and those that find it a blessing. Feminism is not receptive to the ideas that women have different gender roles and responsibilities than men; however, many Christian and Muslim women believe that a woman is liberated by submission to her husband. Where secular women may find that feminism is the thing for them, women of faith are protected and honored by their submission in a way feminists never will be.

Why I Hate College

I’m now in my third year of college, and faced with the time still to be spent there, I have begun to form a mental list of the things I absolutely detest concerning the way the academics are being taught to my generation.



1: There is a sense of required conformity that cannot be escaped without negative consequence.

I remember taking a class that involved writing papers on topics which would generate debate. They were controversial in subject matter, and they required the student to thoughtfully consider the problem at hand and give a solution. I enjoyed writing the papers but was surprised as, time and time again, I received low grades on my papers. When I approached my teacher, he told me, in plain speech, that he did not agree with my essays. I was not getting full credit because I wrote papers he did not agree with. He even went so far as to ridicule me in front of the class because I would not change to fit his own ideas.



2: Teachers are watering down their speeches so that they appear to disguise the truth and heaviness of what they are saying.

One teacher I had was explaining why the class I was taking was required for all students. She kept saying words like “government,” juxtaposed with “merge,” and I quickly realized what she was truly saying: They want to prepare us for a one world government. Why couldn’t she just say that? I understood why. If she just came out and said that, everyone would know. The school claims that they are only “introducing” us to the great varieties of culture worldwide. What they are really doing is preparing us for a time when we will be forced to be dependent on these cultures. She actually said this, but the way she spoke made it so that you would have no idea what she meant unless you knew how to listen for it. They are taking advantage of the current generations’ inability to think.



3: There is a hunger for spiritual food and nowhere to find it.

I attended a service, at one point, where I expected to at least find a desire to teach Christ. I was devastated to find a hollow service where Christian songs were sung, the Bible read, and Christian verse introduced, and yet there was not a moving of the Spirit. I’m not talking about feeling; I am telling you that I never once believed that anyone taught strengthening a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I felt starved when I should have been fed.



4: Students don’t really care about learning.

I have watched many students take naps through class, all out skip it, or finishing their homework five to ten minutes before. There is an inescapable feeling that they just don’t take time to bother about doing well. I’m not saying I expect them to enjoy the classes, but making an effort is important. After all, they are paying to attend classes, and the teachers are (usually) making an honest effort to teach them. It is completely disrespectful and lazy to not care about class.



5: Students place too much important in feeling accepted.

I have watched students fake a different sexual orientation, pretend to be religious, join certain clubs, etc., and all in the effort to feel accepted. This is, I think, more devastating than perhaps any other action they could take. Even the word “university” implies all kinds of individuals coming into one place, but that does not mean that a person should change who they are in order to fit in.



Ultimately, there is one, serious problem I have with colleges: No importance is placed on living a holy life. If there were, I believe all these problems I have mentioned would disappear. After all, Christians are taught to not conform to the things of this world. Diversity under the unity of Christ is the aim! Christians are also taught to think – or at least they are supposed to be. This is less true than it ever has been because, as C.S. Lewis so clearly wrote: “The Historical Point of View, put briefly, means that when a learned man is presented with a statement in an ancient author, the one question he never asks is whether it is true.” This tendency to never question or test what we are being taught is dangerous and, unfortunately, not realized by many Christians.

If there were an importance put on living holy lives, there would be more venues by which to be spiritually nourished. At present, there just aren’t enough opportunities for this – and partly because religions seem to have a problem with setting aside differences in doctrine to enjoy the company of fellow brothers and sisters. Not only is this crippling the church as a whole, it is starving people in their day to day lives.

Christians are also taught to be hard-working and honest in their work. Living holy lives would result in better students, period.

The last element – trying to please others – would, in due course, disappear. Christians know that ultimately the only person whom they need to please is Jesus Christ.



People are starving for God. The world is losing hope. Oh blessed day when Christ returns and this secular world is transformed into His quintessential Eden.

The Great Romance

“Since by man came death by Man came also the resurrection of the dead.” 1st Corinthians 15:21



"Then Eustace realized that dragons are snake-like creatures, and snakes can cast off their skins. ‘I can't get it all off.’ ‘You will have to let me help you.’” Voyage of the Dawn Treader, by CS Lewis.



These two things have been going through my head all week and have caused a train of thought which strikes me quite strongly. There is this idea of Christ coming in a way that I had not considered, before.



“Of course; He came because He loves us, right? We are His children, and He wants to win us back, right?”



Well… yes… but that is not how I see it, anymore. It was the phrase by Aslan that changed my perspective:



“You will have to let me help you.”



Woah! Do you realize what that means? That means He came because He wanted to help us! He is God. He could have given us instructions that would not involve Him becoming a man. He could have avoided hunger, pain, death, and everything, quite easily. You might argue that He prophesied His own coming. Of course! And that’s why He came! But what if He had never made such a promise? The Bible does teach us that God is omnipotent. This being so, He could have chosen quite a different story.




“So what?” What did Aslan say? “…let me help you.” Jesus wants to be here with us. He wants to be a reality that we can hear, touch, taste, and see. He wants to be a personal presence. God wants to be the one. I mean, do you have any idea how utterly amazing that is? God wants to be among us. It was also the only way He could do it. Why? God cannot be in the presence of sin. As a man, He was able to do so. He made a real effort to be known to us as completely as possible, we who betray and crucify Him daily. How incredible and wonderful He is. I feel as though I have not completely explained what I’m trying to say, but it is such a beautiful message, I had to try.

Impinging Upon Christ

I have been considering Isaiah 53:7.

When I was reading it, today, I noticed that I have been reading it wrong; more specifically the line where it says: "The Lord hath laid on Him the iniquities of us all." I realized, tonight, that the literal translation of it actually says: "The Lord hath caused to land on Him the iniquities of us all." I had always read the word 'laid' as an almost passive thing - like the Lord was simply handing our iniquities to Christ.

Naturally, my curiosity was piqued, and come to find out the Hebrew word is actually more aggressive - meaning that God impinged them upon Christ: "by accident or violence, or by importunity." Since we know that there are no accidents with God, that leaves us with a 'violent' - even solicitous - encouragement for Christ to intercede. I find that... humbling... and I wish I could hear a sermon about it!

Intolerance and Love Don't Share A Bed

It’s one of those nights where I can’t sleep, because there is too much on my mind.

As some know, my biggest pet peeve is intolerance. It’s not something I advertise too much, because there is a lot of it, and I mean A LOT of it. What sort of intolerance am I thinking about? All sorts, but mostly I mean intolerance of another person’s religion/belief system. That’s a loaded phrase, yes, but has anyone else noticed how quickly some people tear down others who don’t believe like they do?

I remember once having a debate with someone whose beliefs were opposite of my own. Instead of arguing fairly and defending himself with knowledge, he instead ridiculed me because I was a ‘savage’ American and called me intolerant. This, needless to say, pressed the wrong button. I told him that I would not try to defend what I believed if he was so unwilling to put himself on the same level as me. If I had been in any way insulting of him, I wouldn’t have cared that he accused me of intolerance; however, I had done my best to defend what I was saying by quoting his own doctrine, and I was careful to never argue about him - only what he believed. This did not go over very well.

This is all to show that I see people in two parts: As a person and the way they live (Their doctrine). I am able to separate the two and not let them interfere with my contact with that person. For example: I will not let the fact that a person I know is gay interfere with me being a friend to that person. Isn’t the purpose of a Christian’s life to show love to men? I don’t think God specified and gave certain personality traits of people we should minister to. I have read nowhere in God’s word that I am to hate Muslims, Homosexuals, Thieves, etc.… I understand that I should not follow in their beliefs, but God does not teach intolerance.

Where am I coming from? A man once asked me if I hated him because he didn’t believe what I did. I was shocked that he could even think that, but he explained to me that he had received that reaction from other ‘Christians.’ This, quite frankly, angered me. I have heard similar stories of people with bad pasts being shunned in churches because they were ‘sinners.’ I want to go to that church and say, “Hey! I’m sure that you were born perfect and have every right to stick your nose up in the air!” Oh my GOODNESS people! Are we so wrapped in our own bubbles that we can’t see the world is hungry for love and acceptance?! I can’t even bring myself to call people who are so intolerant Christian’s. They are creating a stereotype for other people to put all Christians into. This is wrong, and it makes me angry. I should not have to defend my love of other people. I don’t care if someone is from a completely different world. I will love that person with as much unconditional love as God permits. Since God is omnipotent, I’m sure I won’t run out of it any time soon. I never want people to say I am intolerant. I am accepting of all just as they are.

If every Christian applied this idea to the way they lived, there wouldn’t be this stereotype for Christians to fight. People should know that we love them. If they did, perhaps then they would listen to us.

Another raving sermon from me to you. I hope this doesn’t offend anyone. It just is a topic that is very important and real to me. I want to be real with people… I hope you do too.

Growing Up

Some of my friends are aware of my great struggles, these past several months, with dreadful pain and health. I am used to pain, because it is pretty much a way of life to me. It is a rare day when I don't hurt; however, I have recently been in much worse shape than usual. I feel like Satan is really fighting me. He knows that I prefer to hide my pain, and the more I try to hide it, the more I suffer. The more I suffer, the more I have to hide. It's a vicious cycle, and it is very much due to two things which I somehow came to accept as truths in my life:

1) Pain is something I will always have to live with. It is my way of life, and there is nothing I can do about it.
2) If other people know about my pain, they will also suffer; I must do all I can to hide my pain, thus allowing others to live without sharing in my suffering.

Through lots of prayer and talk with some friends - one in particular - I have come to realize that there are two things which are true, and they cancel out those things which I had accepted as truth:

1) Pain does not have to be a way of life. If God chooses to let me witness through my pain, so be it, but I should not automatically accept that without His expressed guidance.
2) When I am suffering, I can not do it alone. People were made to nurture and help one another. We are even told to bear one another's burdens. How can we do that if we are not truthful about our burdens?

So - Here's the deal. I need help. I need you to pray for me. Satan really wants me to feel weak and alone when I know in my heart that there are many brothers and sisters out there who are willing to help me through this. Honestly, I am tired of the pain... feeling alone... especially when I know that being alone is an illusion :).

Compassion and Integrity

How is the chief end of Man to be accomplished? (I do not feel the need to be politically correct, here). What is the chief end of Man? As many in the church have probably heard at least once, the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. In layman's terms: This should be the goal of a man's life.

I was recently having a conversation with my friend, David, about the legacy that a person leaves behind. I was commenting on the disappointment I sometimes felt at being recognized for the things I could do rather than the way I lived. I mean, yes, I can sing pretty well... I'm good with special needs children... I'm a hard worker. So David posed this question: What did I want people to remember about me when I was gone? What legacy did I want to leave behind? I told him the following: I want to be known for the passionate love I have for people. I want to be known for my honesty, compassion, and integrity.

As I thought about this to myself, this week, I found myself wondering if those following things really are meant to be my legacy. Sure, it would be nice to have people think well of me, but is that what God wants? Does He really care? When applying the exact characteristics I mentioned, the answer is yes and no. Yes, God wants us to leave behind an example of goodness - An example of His Son. No, it should not simply be our legacy. If I am known, when I die, as this person who could love so deeply and live with such integrity, it should be because of Who I lived in honour of. To glorify God, we live in the glorious, mirror image of His Son.

Now, the hard part. You think living righteously is hard, trying actually enjoying yourself! Okay - so it really shouldn't be that hard. In fact, I find it quite easy to enjoy God. This might mean different things for different people. For me, to enjoy God is to live with rapturous joy in the blessings He has provided me. Sometimes, I revel in the beautiful earth He has given me. People often tease me of my obsession with clouds... I love them because, to me, they boldly declare the wonders of God. Sometimes, I bask in the company of people that God has placed around me. I may not talk much, but just to be around people I love fills me with inexpressible joy. Sometimes, I sit in His sanctuary, wherever it may be at the moment (For Jesus has provided many forms of a sanctuary), and spend time in His Word. To enjoy God, enjoy what He has given you! Do not question Him, asking why He would give you something you do not deserve. Is that not like apologizing profusely? Praise the Lord for His gifts, whether they be wonders in nature, the people around you, the food on your plate! Whatever He has given, He has given to be enjoyed by His people.

I challenge you to live with integrity and joy in Christ. What better legacy can we leave?

TM

Help!

I have been thinking about a new post - three, actually - and I am unsure of where to start. So... I figured I would put these three ideas into a post and ask the opinion of my invisible readers. Which do you think I should write on, first? Second? Last?

1) The idea that all men die of unnatural causes.

2) The importance of attending ONE church - not church-hopping.

3) How the chief end of man is to be accomplished.

TM

So Many Thoughts!

I realized, with shame, that I have not posted anything new for almost a year! Actually... Benny pointed it out. That makes me even more ashamed :(.

Oh, well! It's time to make it up to my nonexistent readers! :).

SO much has happened. A whole year of school, for instance. Also, a lot of important decisions have come into place: Majors, future education, relationships, work, etc. It has been totally crazy.

My fourth and final semester at Sandburg has been both my easiest and my hardest. I have taken all classes that I truly love, and that made it easy; however, I did take 18 or 19 hours. That is a lot of English and Music! I took two independent studies, which was a very big part of the great amount of time I have not had :). Tim also got a new job, this past year, so his teaching instruction in the music department was replaced by James Hutchings, who is, quite frankly, amazing. I feel like I have progressed with him, developing my musicianship, more than with most other music teachers I have had - at least equal with all of them. I wish I could take more from him, but I don't see that happening :). I'm also sad to leave Mr. Burdick, who has been my steady anchor through both years of school. He told me that I took more of his classes than any student he had ever had. I was fortunate: I took six :). He spent the first year trying to convince me to change my major to English, which I did end up doing, to his great pleasure.

In my work life, I still work with Steven, one of my dearest loves and joys. I find myself more inspired by him every day. He reminds me to forget yesterday and do my best at the moment I am currently living :). I work with him again, this Summer, my fourth Summer with him. I am hoping to introduce him to several people, too, who have heard me speak of him.

In my spiritual life, I have recently have several epiphanies which cannot be spoken plainly, I do not think; however, God has been steadfast and patient with me. It has been a hard year, and I would not have made it without the shadow of His right hand.

In my personal life, I have made many new friends - more than I ever thought I would - and I think several of them are forever friends. I am thinking of a couple in particular: David and Benny. Hopefully they will be known better to my other friends and family in future. There are, of course, other friends to be known! Ian, Nathan Scott, Gracie, Er!ka, Cleopatra (Edward), Brandon, Nate, Lanae, Reed, Dan, Beth, Stephenie, and the list goes on! I love people :).

That is all I will write for now. I will try my hardest to keep up with this. If I forget, my nonexistent readers will, I'm sure, put a bug in my ear :).