Still Growing...

Hello, my friends!

Well, it's been an interesting first week of school. I missed my first class I've EVER missed. That was hard... but it meant that I got to see Sandburg, which was nice. I also got to see my doctor, which wasn't so nice, but that is neither here nor there.

I'm still struggling with being honest about how I'm feeling. I admitted to myself, at least, that today I wanted someone to comfort me... yet I was unwilling to take the step which would provide me comfort. I mean, for me, to even want to cry with someone there: Big deal. To not reach for someone is unnatural, though. Obviously, I'm not where I should be, but patience will out.

Continue to pray for me, my friends :). I love you all.

TM

Progress for the Sake of Progress?

Well, I opened up, recently, about the pain I've been going through, so I figured I might as well give an update :).

My health has been much worse, in the past week, than it was before I asked for prayer. I'm actually in enough pain that I have very little to no appetite. I'm having to force myself to eat so that I don't pass out or anything. I'm drinking an enormous amount of water, though, so that keeps me hydrated.

In spirits, I have been extremely well. God has blessed me so much, and I honestly feel no need to complain. I continue to seek the strength of God throughout this, and I hope you will all continue to keep me in your prayers :).

Love to you all! (S)

Growing Up

Some of my friends are aware of my great struggles, these past several months, with dreadful pain and health. I am used to pain, because it is pretty much a way of life to me. It is a rare day when I don't hurt; however, I have recently been in much worse shape than usual. I feel like Satan is really fighting me. He knows that I prefer to hide my pain, and the more I try to hide it, the more I suffer. The more I suffer, the more I have to hide. It's a vicious cycle, and it is very much due to two things which I somehow came to accept as truths in my life:

1) Pain is something I will always have to live with. It is my way of life, and there is nothing I can do about it.
2) If other people know about my pain, they will also suffer; I must do all I can to hide my pain, thus allowing others to live without sharing in my suffering.

Through lots of prayer and talk with some friends - one in particular - I have come to realize that there are two things which are true, and they cancel out those things which I had accepted as truth:

1) Pain does not have to be a way of life. If God chooses to let me witness through my pain, so be it, but I should not automatically accept that without His expressed guidance.
2) When I am suffering, I can not do it alone. People were made to nurture and help one another. We are even told to bear one another's burdens. How can we do that if we are not truthful about our burdens?

So - Here's the deal. I need help. I need you to pray for me. Satan really wants me to feel weak and alone when I know in my heart that there are many brothers and sisters out there who are willing to help me through this. Honestly, I am tired of the pain... feeling alone... especially when I know that being alone is an illusion :).