Today my Grandma, who died last year, was on my mind. Particularly memories of the day before she died. There was a thunderstorm outside, and my sisters and I were running around. We were changing into dry clothes when Mom told us to start packing.
I remember how hard it was not to cry, trying to be strong for my sisters and Mother. The night she died I managed to hide my tears, and then didn't cry until after the funeral. My other Grandma hugged me, and I remember thinking, "I'll never hug Grandma Halligan like this again." That was when I broke.
It has always amazed me how people so often hide their tears. It seems a very unhealthy practice, and no matter how hard I try to let myself cry my mind won't allow it. I am the kind of person that cries easily, but prefer not to show it. My disposition is naturally cheerful, so I simply let that show more predominantly. I don't exactly hide my emotions; I just don't let them effect my mood.
The last time I cried was just this morning. I had just finished singing a song for camp, and I was so moved by the Holy Spirit I had to walk to the back of the chapel and let it out. Tears flowed, and I couldn't help it. Sister Mershimer saw me standing there, trying to compose myself to no avail, and just took me in her arms. How blessed I felt!
I'm not so sure there won't be tears in Heaven, because I will be weeping for joy. How can I not weep when I am so blessed?
3 comments:
Well, I started a blog just so I could leave you comments. That's not completely true, but it did get me to thinking. Anyway, hope camp was good. Hope you didn't cry the whole time. :)
What got you to thinking about what? :)
Thinking about doing a blog for myself. I've got one...sort of through my MyChurch page, but thought abotu having an actual blog page. Now I do, and I can harass you all I want.
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